Misbehave
by Moody-Muse
Summary: Maliver. Look within to see the secrets.
1. Chapter 1

**So here we are.**

**Yes! Another story! **

**This is Mal/River. I hope it's self-explanatory. **

**Any questions PM me or leave it as a review and I'll respond promptly as I can.**

**I hope everyone likes and I have forty four pages of writing on this one, unedited and rough and it may or may not be seen here. **

**Also, I'm going to be posting like a mad woman and I may get to a point where I'm done posting and just go back and edit like a...mad woman. **

**And if you read my other stories, have no fear I shall not neglect them. I'm working to keep updating everything regularly. **

**Without further ado....

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**Captain Malcolm Reynolds cursed as he stared at his pilot.

Why could a job never go as planned?

River had excused herself from the table at which she, Zoe, Jayne, Mal, and their clients were seated.

She'd left them because of the clients' feelings, one wasn't comfortable around her. She flustered him, Zoe he could handle but not her.

River had strode to the bar and ordered a shot. She enjoyed one on the rare occasion that she felt like fighting.

Fight or drink, her options were limited and clear. It had been a problem before she was of legal age on every planet, twenty one, that damn golden age. But now there were new problems.

Mal saw the problem immediately and he kicked Jayne's boot. Jayne noticed. Zoe needed no warning, she watched River's back despite the fact she was twenty three. To Zoe, and many others, she was a little sister.

River stared eerily at the huge hulk of a man before her. He stepped closer and she stepped back. He had trapped her in the corner.

Mal piped up to the clients, "This has been nice an' all but our girl may be causin' some mighty fine mess in here. I suggest ya take off now. We'll pick up yer goods and deliver 'em. See ya in a few weeks." The clients nodded and scattered.

River's crew sat at the table and watched for a cue. None came.

"Hey dolly, what's yer name?" the man reached out and fingered one of River's raven tresses.

"None of your rightful business. If you'll excuse me, I was on my way," the man growled lightly, "Name darlin', and it don't seem to me like yer goin' no where."

River tensed and licked her lips, "But I am. Before you lay two roads. I will be going somewhere, whether it is through you or around is your choice. Now, I will ask you only once more, please move."

The man laughed right in her face, his breath a drunken stench. While River had been fine with settling for pushing him out of the way he ruined the option when he grabbed her around the waist.

River pulled away and ground out from clenched teeth, her eyes flickering to her crew who were standing around their table, "Wrong road."

He reached for her wrist, "Lotta talk fer a little thing like you. Seems yer a tease," he grabbed her wrist and without a thought she twisted his hand behind his back.

She pinned him and caught him so if he moved, or barely even flexed, his wrist would shoot excruciating pain throughout his arm.

"Seems I warned you."


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we are again.**

**Without further ado.

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The dolt tried to fight but River flipped him and he landed with a thud of his empty head.

Turning River discovered his friends glaring at her. She sighed and crossed her arms, "Well, looks like we all got ourselves a party getting ready to break out!" and on that cue her crew was moving, but so were the drunken friends of the man River had knocked out.

River smiled as she punched and kicked her way out of the corner.

She found herself next to Jayne who needed a bit of help seeing as five men, who looked like mercenaries themselves, were holding him down and beating the hell out of him.

River glided a fist through the air and connected with a satisfying pop. She kicked at a kneecap.

Then she offered Jayne a hand up, he accepted and River jumped when he was sure footed.

Jayne caught her easily and spun her so her boot clad feet connected with multiple heads and chests. River slid to the ground and went to the heart of the crowd.

Mal was beside her as she broke a few fingers.

He watched her move the injured hand to her side and simply bring up the other to finish the job started by it's opposite.

He took a blow to the jaw and promptly returned it, knocking the man out.

"River, it never goes planned for us. Never."

And that's where he found himself now, next to River, fighting men way bigger with a number way smaller than that which they fought.

River growls and he turns, seeing the biggest man yet in front of her. He has her by the hair and, her growl as indication as well as the hand Mal couldn't see, probably her ass.

It churned his gut twenty ways in anger.

Mal found himself picking up a tray, a good sturdy metal one, and taking a swing at the brute's head.

The man tensed and then went slack, River rolling and crunching her wrist to get out of the way of his massive descending hulk.

Her mind racing, she can't think and fight and she needs to talk to Mal.

She met his gaze while trying to stand, "Must go. Isn't safe. Find Jayne, she will get Zoe. Mule in five." Mal nods and sets to reign in Jayne.

Five minutes later and Zoe silently directs the mule to haul ass to Serenity.

Mal is in the back with a silent River as he tries to help her stop bleeding.

Jayne is cursing enough for them all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here we are again.**

**Without further ado...

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Mal stands and hops from the mule.

Zoe climbs down and stares at Simon as he walks toward them frowning, "Calm doc," Kaylee Rushes in and gasps as she sees every one.

Zoe was the best of the four fighters, sporting a busted lip and raw knuckles.

Jayne was next best to Zoe, he'd been caught up once in the fight, rescued by River. His face was swollen and his knuckles raw as his ribs spasm and begin to bruise.

Surprisingly not the worst was Mal, raw knuckles and busted up a good bit but right as rain compared to his pilot. Girl got a fancy to fight and she went all out.

River stands next to the mule and smiles. Mal shakes his head with a wry smile of his own.

River has a broken wrist, broken fingers, bruises aplenty and a gorram bullet hole in her shoulder-and she _smiles_. As Mal thought on it he found he was in no way surprised.

"River, we will be talkin'. Doc, fix 'er up. I'm gonna get us off this rock a'fore any more _parties_," he sneers the word, "break out." Mal storms away and feels the stares on his back.

As River watches Mal trudge of she sighs. Simon rushes to her and whisks her off to the infirmary.

An hour later River is walking into the kitchen.

She doesn't speak much, only on jobs when needed, on the ship when the urge hits or she has to.

When River does speak the words are not here own. They are words of whomever's brainpan is open enough that the words float in and get plucked into the right order for her meaning.

River tucks her words away, only allows Mal to hear him. She allows him to hear her voice all the time, he is her exception.

Now River scans the room looking for Mal. She's learned to place mental barriers and she's taught the crew-she only uses her abilities when imperative and on jobs-she tries to never be the weapon.

River shifts her eyes as her head runs rampant, she can't help the urge to fight. Fighting comes as natural as breathing for her. So instead she drinks or spars with Jayne, or Mal or even Zoe.

If the urge is too strong she mostly drinks, she won't risk hurting them.

She sighs quietly in frustration and catches Zoe's gaze as she sits with the others around the table.

Zoe grins from her seat and murmurs, "In the cockpit. You may need a bribe to enter."

River smiles a hint of a smirk-big smiles were reserved for fighting fun and other great events.

River walks to the coffee pot and prepares two mugs, she doles out the steaming brew and sets the carafe holding the remainder on the table for the others.

'_Thank you_' echoes in the kitchen and drifts to her as she walks in the hallway, she merely raises a cast bound hand in acknowledgment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Here we are again.**

**Without further ado...

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River knocks with her foot, her whole left arm useless.

She waits a minute, listening to Mal as he stands and walks over slowly. He unlocks and opens the door, letting her in with no acknowledgment otherwise.

She walks in and sits a cup in her seat, taking a step over she holds the other cup out to him.

Mal stares into the black for a few moments before reaching up without looking and taking the mug.

River smirks and returns to her seat, picking up her mug and sitting with her legs tucked under her.

They sit until the smells of dinner come wafting in.

River waits still, Mal is stubborn.

Finally she clears her mind and takes a deep breath, "Risk. Not needed. Sorry."

Mal looks down to his cup of coffee and then back out to the stars.

"Little Albatross, where in the rosy sphincter o'hell do ya get off thinkin' that I'ma let ya do things like that? First time ya started a fight-fine. I'm okay with this usually.

"This time was different an' ya know it. For six years ya been on my ship, part of my crew. I think I'm fairly good at understandin' ya. So talk and ya best not dally."

River takes a sip of her coffee and stands, stepping over in front of Mal. She kneels in front of him and rests on her heels.

"You know I had good reason to fight at that bar."

Mal quirks an eyebrow, "Ah, but there's always reason. Ya always find a reason fer yer fightin' and ya always gotta be pulled in. This time was different."

River looks into her coffee, "Well, I wanted you all to leave. I could take them. And it's what she wanted. She does not want you all hurt, herself, other story."

Mal tenses and clenches his jaw, "Ya don't mean ta say,"

River met his eyes, "She means to say she only stopped this time because she saw you all getting hurt. Zoe would have been shot. It's why she told you to get Jayne and she took Zoe, she was the one who had to take the bullet.

"Zoe would have been dropped to the ground with her rhythm and uniqueness stopped. She can get hurt. She doesn't care if she is hurt. Her family is not to be hurt because of her or if she can avoid it.

"She will be pilot and hired gun. She takes the hits and blows when she can and sometimes when she can't."

Mal stares at her in perplexed awe and she blinks slowly, "If you three had not been there she was ready to fight until she dropped herself.

"She does not place value in herself. This time was different. But she's always been different."

Mal was so many emotions he felt his head swimming.

River stands and flits out, "Dinner is going to chill."

And then she was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Here we are. **

**I'm so sorry it took so long!**

**Thanks to casedeputy, Kellyann211 and love is overrated for reviewing.**

**Thanks so much and I hope you like.**

**Without further ado.

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Mal leaves the bridge and walks to the kitchen. He decides from the swirl churning within his gut anger would do just fine-he ignores every other twinge of feeling.

He sees River perched on her chair as he strides into the kitchen, she's next to Jayne and across from Simon-she's right next to him like always.

Mal sits at his seat at the head of the table and the crew slowly sinks into their habits.

Kaylee was the life that kept the crew going. She talked and touched and laughed as she ate. Beside her Simon did the same, even getting up to retrieve the oddities forgotten with eager hunger. Kaylee had slowly brought Simon to life, their combined light often blinded and nauseated their crew.

Zoe was mostly silent, she watched what was happening. She would mediate sometimes and she made sure everyone was included-even River. Wash was a combination of the best of them all, he played the comic and kept tension light.

Jayne entertained conversation and stuffed his trap with food, he supplied everyone with stories-admittedly embellished-when the conversation waned.

River herself ate and watched everyone. She didn't speak, she faded into the back. She would feel a shift in her mind as Zoe's mental barrier dropped and she would end up having a conversation with the warrior woman, all mind and body.

Mal had seen a whole conversation pass between them-silence reigning. Zoe would think and River would answer with a nod or shake of her head, a look or gesture. Mal himself talked and ate and sometimes ordered his crew around.

Mostly he talked to River, telling her things that didn't matter and just floated up and out. Sometimes it was the latest plan or scheme, he'd talk it out as she corrected him the same way she talked with Zoe.

It was their game. Mal was to figure out the best plan with her directions. They had sometimes carried over from dinner to sit late into the night cycle. As his thoughts turned to this Mal squeezed his chopsticks a bit more forcefully than needed.

Mal ate quietly and watched his crew. Everyone whole was talking. Slowly plates empty and still the crew sits and talks-Mal and River watching.

Mal glances at her and she looks up from twirling her chopsticks. She meets his gaze and his steadily kept anger fizzles and dissipates. All he feels is the need to talk to her.

At the thought he smirks and tilts his head, a silent question posed.

River smirks the slightest bit and he leans forward toward her, speaking quietly, "Little 'Tross, I do think yer gon' like this plan."


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! Been too long loves, too long! So...catching up, determined to post something everyday.**

**Reviews...  
Thanks to casedeputy, Gwenfrewi72, and Kellyann211!**

**Without further ado...  
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Mal sat a cup of coffee on the table and sat in his chair.

River met his gaze and he smiled, "Good plan?" she nodded.

The game was done. The plates had been cleared and everyone still sat around the table, they were talking away in their own separate worlds.

Mal once again thinking of how everyone undamaged talked with each other and the damaged were left to themselves, alone but for the other spoiled goods.

With those thoughts plus some of his lost crew and lost comrades swirling in his head he stared into his cup.

River took the chance to study him. She tried to piece together her words.

She played them in her head and took a quick breath, "Mal, not damaged. You are whole. But you don't let yourself see.

"Covered in blood, never touched them but drowning in it. Blood is damage. You didn't cause it. You just are too noble to say it wasn't your fault. Won't let go of that which isn't your burden to bear.

"She bears the burden with you sometimes-more than any others but her own, well, her brains own.

"Mal, bad in the Latin-so good in reality. Undamaged if you could release yourself.

"Big girl, she can handle solitude in her chaos. If she is the only one left damaged and marked as spoiled goods it doesn't matter.

"You can join the living. Damaged cannot live fully, not like the whole ones. Whole is how you should be."

River's long speech drew the attention of everyone and Mal watched her.

She swallowed and started playing with the hem of her green dress.

Mal finally looked away to find Jayne, Kaylee, Simon, Wash and Zoe staring between he and River.

He took a sip of coffee, "Little Albatross, we never did finish that discussion. I hear you say you don't matter again,"

River stood and took his hand, pulling him up she met his gaze.

He followed her as she led him away from the kitchen and the curious looks of his crew.

Only Zoe looked after knowingly.


	7. Chapter 7

**So…seventh chapter! Whoo! With forty eight chapters written ahead I can't believe I'm just now posting seven!**

**On the less hyper side of things we have reviews:  
casedeputy- Aw, thanks! I love the speech and I hope you love the rest of the conversation! Yay!  
Gwenfrewi72- Thanks! I'm trying for daily! I hope you like where it's going!**

**Okay, so, I'm editing and even doing some rewriting. I'm looking to tentatively saying I'll have this finished by nest Sunday. And that I'll be posting every day or every other day. This story is one of my favorites to write so trust me when I say it's still going strong!

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River sits curling into herself beside Mal. Her head rests on his knee as he lays his hand on her shoulder.

She talks with Mal, only one who she verbally speaks to regularly. No one ever sees it. It isn't always long or even that important-just something they do.

Around him River can speak. It is like a rule.

River catches herself thinking on the first time she had spoken since the events of Mr. Universe's moon.

No one had approached her or tried to talk to her. She hadn't spoken for a month.

Finally Mal had burst and exploded to his crew and gone searching for River. She didn't say anything to him as he did most of the talking.

Finally she had hugged him and he had held her. She spoke to him. Since then she spoke regularly to him and only him, except mentally with Zoe but that wasn't always true.

River sighs and Mal shifts his gaze from the starry black to River and smiles.

He closes his eyes, "You ever gonna talk ta me or we jus' gonna sit 'ere?"

River thinks for a moment, "As much as I enjoy sitting with you we can talk too."

Mal grins and River glances up at him. She watches him with a slight smile.

"Where should I start?" she murmurs and Mal opens his eyes slowly.

Their gazes lock and River wants to look away, but her compulsion for Mal is like her compulsion for drinking or fighting.

She can never be rid of them.

She lets out a shuddering breath and lets her eyes fall.

"Start on the fight, Little 'Tross." Mal's voice is closed off and distant, he tries to keep everything he is feeling out of it.

River shivers and leans back to rest her head on Mal's knee.

"Well, he cornered me and thought he was going to hit on me. That _yin jue pian lu zi tun_ thought that he was going to use me as a piece of trim.

"I was in the mood to fight. I did. Saw that Zoe was going to die.

"I had to stop it. I caused it, let it get out of hand and reeled it back in. If you guys weren't there I would have fought until I was down or all of them were."

Mal feels his gut clench and he lets out a long breath, "Why?" River bites her bottom lip.

The words are getting mucked up in her brain.

She can't explain.

She looks up at Mal and suddenly the words come, "Love. She can know all the math in the 'Verse, but she takes a boat in the air she don't love it'll shake her off just as sure as the turning of the worlds.

"Love keeps her in the air when she ought fall down, tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. Makes her home."

Mal looks into River's eyes and sees the truth behind her words.

He swallows, "You love Serenity. And our crew, our family."

River looks away now, "That's the only thing that keeps her in the air Captain."


	8. Chapter 8

**Review Replies:**

**Casedeputy – Haha, thank you! I hope you're still excited, my plans haven't changed for this story, although the time line has stretched a bit. **

**Gwenfrewi72 – Thanks, I thought his own words would get the point across!**

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**Megan Consoer – I've written more, it's the editing and posting that are slowing me up. I'm glad you like, hang in there as I try to get back on track please?**

**Ashmo21 – I'm sorry I took so long, I'm glad you like.

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**This took so much longer then I wanted it to. Sorry! But I'm back!**

**Without further ado…

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Mal wakes up slowly and shifts in the chair.

He hears a mew of protest and looks down, seeing River curled up between his knees.

River is still sleeping, her hand rests on one of Mal's knee as her head occupies the other.

Mal takes the opportunity to think about what River had said.

Love.

Her love for Serenity and the crew are what keep her going.

She fights and drinks. He knew that, respects it.

River is a weapon, she was groomed to be an assassin. If she keeps control by letting loose once in a while he can't very well argue.

But that the only thing that keeps River from going elsewhere is her love here, that she thinks about going and fighting until she can't do anything at all drives deep into him.

Mal doesn't want to think of her leaving-not the ship, not her family, not him.

She is needed here.

Was that the reason she sticks around? Mal can't help thinking it's the only reason.

Serenity is her home. But she stays here because of her love.

It confuses Mal.

Doesn't she realize everyone loves her too?

River is staring up at him, she had listened to his thoughts as they spun about his brainpan and slowly confounded him.

She wants to comment but stays quiet.

Mal looks down at her and smiles slightly, "Hi Little Albatross."

River smiles and looks at the stars, "Not the same kind of love." she whispers and stands.

Mal bolts from his seat after her, following her as she walks out.

He pursues her through the ship.

River sighs and turns to glare at Mal as he keeps after her even to the kitchen.

"Why do you follow her?" she hisses.

Her left arm is aching, she is tiring of trying to explain herself to Mal. It isn't working. Some things even he would never understand.

Mal glares back at her, undeterred by her hissing, "Whatta ya mean it ain't the same? Love is love 'Tross!"

River shakes her head, suddenly tears bloom in her eyes, her vision is turning blurry and she blinks fiercely.

"Different kinds of love. The kind of love she had for all of you, for Serenity, is family. The kind everyone had for her is family.

"The kind that can steadily hold you up and keep you flying is not family.

"Love-passionate, caring, and understanding love.

"Regular love has kept me going, pulls me through everything."

River's voice cracks and she squeezes her eyes tightly shut, "But I can't anymore! I fall a little farther out of the sky everyday, my love for you guys and what I owe all of you is what reminds me to try and get back up."

Mal swallows hard, "Not everyone has passionate love on this ship. What keeps them going?"

River steps back until her back hits the wall, she sinks down and keeps her eyes lightly closed as her tears brim over.

"Zoe and Wash have it. Kaylee and Simon have it. Jayne, Inara and you have it somewhere.

"Someday you will find it and until that time the knowledge in your hearts that it is out there will keep you going as well as you need to.

"She knows there is no one for her out there. She can never love like that because she can never be loved like that."

Mal stares at River as she sits half curling into herself with her eyes shut. He kneels beside her as his mind briefly registers Inara having been mentioned.

He knows that despite the companion having left for the last time two months prior River still thinks of her as family.

"Little Albatross, just like someone somewhere has a bullet for you out there and you just gotta dodge it long 'nough to die of old age first, well, there's someone out there with the other half of you.

"You just gotta dodge the bad of life long 'nough to reach them and become one, become whole."

River opens her eyes and looks over at him. She smiles and reaches out, taking his hand.

"That is true for those out there who are whole and undamaged. She can never be the River who had a chance at having a soul mate."

She pauses and swallows, "I am the shell of River, sorting through everything and trying to pick up the pieces.

"Sometimes they go back together and sometimes they break more or cut deep into her…me.

"There is no other half for me, I am alone. Empty shell, bright eyes peeking out once in a while but never all there.

"Who could love me?"

River pats Mal's hand and stands abruptly, walking to her bunk.

She resists looking back at Mal as his thoughts tickle at her walls. She climbs carefully down into her bunk without a backward glance.


	9. Chapter 9

**Without further ado…

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The next morning River wakes unexpectedly. She takes a breath and chokes on a sob.

She sits up and looks around her bunk, feelings flood into her. She clenches her jaw as she holds back a scream.

Standing she stumbles out of her bunk, heading toward the bridge and then backtracking, almost running to the hold.

River goes behind the stairs and sits behind them, her knees to her chest and her right hand over her mouth. She bites down on her lip and tries not to scream.

Distantly she hears the clatter of boots and pushes further into the corner.

It is dark but she is giving muffled screams, trying to keep them in is too hard.

River sees Mal through the steps and closes her eyes tightly.

Things start to fade away.

Mal stops walking as he glimpses something behind the stairs. He narrows his eyes and curses steadily as he sees it is River.

With long strides he is beside her.

River feels strong arms pulling her to a familiar chest, she jolts back to reality and everything is still there and it hurts.

Mal cradles her to his chest and opens his mouth to call Simon, stopping as River shakes her head, "No, shh," she whispers and buries her face in his chest to muffle her cries.

Mal sinks down where River had been and holds her to him tightly.

"Little Albatross, what's goin' on River?"

She lifts her hand and holds up a finger, Mal chuckles tightly and rubs his hands along her back soothingly, "I can wait for ya."

River slowly quiets her screams and manages to keep quiet as long as she keeps her jaw clenched.

Mal holds her, she gradually relaxes and finally the River he knows returns.

She shivers slightly and he kisses her temple, he is freezing cold. He takes off the brown coat he is wearing and drapes it over her.

"You told them." her voice is empty and Mal wishes for it to be angry or accusing-anything because suddenly he knows this is his fault-all he knows is he caused this.

"You told them of your conversation with the girl. She broke apart and told the truth and you recorded it all, sang it out like a bed time fable sent to soothe. Only it raised the hackles of the beasts."

Mal looks down at her and she blinks owlishly.

Tilting his head he sighs, "That don't exactly tell me what's wrong with ya 'Tross."

River swallows and moves closer to him, wanting to hide, needing to melt away, "They know. Know she is empty.

"All colors swirling around, floating through to find the matter that is the girl asleep. It woke her suddenly.

A cut through her heart, she couldn't stop the crash of waves that was the colors flowing all over her blank easel.

"Too much. Matter couldn't take it, broke down. Had to wait for the waves of color to recede enough to let matter breathe.

"Easel is blank again. Always blank, empty."

Mal watches her talk in her eerie empty voice. He processes hat she says and as the last words leave her lips he is aware of her voice turning sad.

Out of uncertainty he repeats what he has worked out in his mind, "Since I told everyone wha' ya said they was thinkin' on ya.

"Woke ya up from yer sleep, vulnerable like in yer sleep, with their feelin's over takin' ya.

"Too much and it hurt and broke ya down. I made it so ya were hurtin' and like I found ya." He finishes in a miserable voice.

River swallows and rests her head on his chest, "Not your fault. But," she whispers as she snuggles closer to him, "you did fix me."

Mal smiles, River sighs as she feels her body relax and settle on his.

Mal sits behind the stairs and holds River as he gazes down at her soft form in his lap, under his brown coat, in his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Without further ado…**

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River wakes up and looks around. She looks up and sees Mal sleeping.

She is in his bunk. She is on his lap and in his bed.

She is feeling so much better.

Running her hand down his arm she gently tries to lift his hand from her waist.

She knows Mal doesn't sleep well, much like her, but thinks he can benefit from some additional shut eye.

She lays his one hand, successfully dragged away from her waist, down beside her and starts on the other hand.

Biting on her lip she manages to lift his other hand and move it slowly, brushing against his body as she shifts.

River takes a breath silently and glances up at him to see if he is still sleeping.

She freezes and stares into his open and alert eyes.

"How long have you been awake?" she whispers.

Mal smiles slightly, "A little before you woke up. Decided ta wait fer ya to wake up 'stead of wakin' ya."

River blinks and looks away from him.

"She apologizes Captain," she murmurs and then tries to stand.

Mal moves his hands back to wrap around her waist and she meets his gaze with questioning eyes.

"You don't apologize. Don't."

River swallows and looks away, "She thinks it's time for her to go."

Mal moves quickly, rolling so River tilts off of his lap and catches her so she falls to the mattress gently. In one fluid motion Mal is leaning over her so she is stuck beneath him.

River lets herself detach from every emotion of her own and tries to lock back all the others as well.

She is surprised to realize that around Mal locking away her own emotions is the harder of the two.

She doesn't feel so much of other's emotions, she can feel her own clearly.

As she is wrapped in hiding herself Mal has the thought that River has never looked more beautiful.

She has a slightly shocked look on her face and it turns to pleasure and surprise before gradually fading to passive.

Her lips are parted slightly, her pale cheeks slightly rosy. Her raven hair is splayed out around her like a halo.

She looks like a fallen angel, and her bottom lip is slightly swollen from her nibbling, it gives the impression she had been kissed with force-daring Mal to fulfill the teasing call.

She is River. His River.

As Mal realizes the course of his thoughts he pushes them away.

River isn't his. Tentatively she can be his Little Albatross. She would never be his.

And yet their thoughts mirror each other's so closely at the moment.

Mal stares down at River as she gazes back up at him. He works to form the words but just shakes his head.

Finally he manages, "Where do ya think yer gonna go?"

River smiles, "Perceptive." No more than a whisper.

Mal narrows his eyes slightly and River licks her lips, he hopes she doesn't realize what an effort it is for him to stay focusing on her eyes.

"Sorry, she just did not believe you would understand that she," River pauses and frowns slightly as she molds the words in her mind.

Mal sees the slight crease between her brows that means she is thinking hard and as he resists kissing them away from her angel face he reinforces his mental walls.

"That I did not just mean leaving your bunk."

Mal tilts his head and speaks slowly, controlling his voice, "Where do ya think yer gonna go an' why?"

River meets his gaze with a slightly irked look, "I plan on leaving Serenity. And because I can is why."

Mal quirks a brow and River closes her eyes, tilting her head back slightly.

Mal catalogues the image into his memory.

"River," he whispers her name and River freezes at hearing him say it. "It ain't how I meant it an' ya know it. Now, explain to me where yer thinkin' about goin' and why. Please."

River lies still for a full minute and then slowly she purses her lips slightly and shifts beneath him, thinking. She wonders how long he'll wait to let her up. She wonders which of them is more stubborn.

Mal groans and River opens her eyes to meet his gaze. He is desperate to know her reasoning as to why she wants to leave.

She feels bad and moves her hand up, brushing it along his cheek.

Something sparks in River and she jerks away with wide eyes.

Mal feels it also.

River sees that Mal had felt It, whatever It had been. But she knows It had been all her own, a feeling that she felt because only she was feeling it.

Above her Mal's heart is pounding as he sees River's wide eyes and hopes to hell she hadn't made it past his mental walls.

"She needs to leave, not just the bunk, but she really need to leave that as well." River rushes it out all in one breath.

She swallows, her breath is quicker than normal, her heart is quicker than her breathing, "She needs to leave for reasons of preservation. Needs to preserve the happiness of the crew that is family and the ship that is home.

"She will be its downfall. She has to preserve it as final repayment. Leave as final debt.

"Owes them all so much, she can repay it by saving their happiness. Preserve it before she breaks it."

Mal hears her sadness and he reaches out slowly with a tender hand to brush his knuckles along her cheek.

Her eye flutter closed and she turns a little more into his touch.

In his mind he can't help thinking that this is his River. His fallen angel.


	11. Chapter 11

**Without further ado…

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**

River lets out a shaky breath and brings her hand up to Mal's shoulder, "Please let her leave. She needs to get out of here."

Mal blinks and lowers his hand slowly, he pulls away from River slightly, "We'll talk more River. Or we can finish our talk now."

River slides to her feet and glances at him behind her curtain of raven hair.

"Can't stay in here." Her voice is the smallest of whispers and she trembles slightly before steeling herself.

Mal frowns, "River," he starts, getting the impression she is scared of being alone with him. It hurts and saddens him.

River instinctively understands and answers on intuition, "Have to leave not because of fear of being alone with you like that."

Mal latches onto the 'like that' and narrows his eyes slightly.

Before he can ask River stands and walks to the ladder, "Need to leave for reasons of preservation."

Mal stares after River, her meaning clear to him.

He misunderstands it all the same.

He curses himself, feeling she means he has caused the emotions in her. She had picked up on his own emotions and to preserve herself she needs to get away from him.

River can't hear his mind make this assessment, this mistake, so she climbs out of his bunk and walks slowly to her bunk.

She packs her bag and sits on her bed.

She is healing nicely from the mix of meds Simon had given her. He gave her a few supplements to help her heal quicker, her tissues are regenerating at a quicker pace. She would be almost healed by the time they set down for their next job.

She can go with them, and then she decides she will leave after the job is done.

She will convince Mal first, and tell the crew the night before.

Tears leak from her eyes and she wipes them away roughly, "Preservation for all."

She whispers and opens her eyes with everything tucked away and her resolve to leave strong.

That night at dinner the crew questions River over her disappearance all day.

She had stayed in her bunk after leaving Mal, hadn't seen anyone but him the whole of the day. Day cycle, time is relative.

Simon is eager to check her wounds.

Kaylee asks Mal where he had been for the better part of the day.

Neither he nor River answer with the full truth.

Jayne waits until the conversation wavers and brings up the job, "We got a week and a half. Gonna go over the plan again?"

River smiles slightly and Kaylee giggles. Mal looks at Kaylee and cocks his head.

She smirks, "I was just thinkin' on how what we plan never really goes the way we thought. Open thought."

Mal smiles to her slightly, "If that's yer thinkin' I ain't too sure this 'un will meet that standard."

Kaylee chuckles and goes back to talking with Simon.

River takes a bite of yellow protein and herbs and chews slowly. She is savoring everything about Serenity, about her family.

Mal can't help looking over at River multiple times during dinner. Zoe notices and waits to catch his gaze. When she does she reads traces of hurt, anger, pride, shame and worry in the depths of his eyes. Quickly Mal looks away from his long time best friend.

Zoe nudges Wash under the table and they start discussing the hot topic discreetly, without notice from Mal or River.

To Mal at the head of the table, with River at his immediate diagonal right and under the same impression, Zoe-who sits at the immediate left of Mal across from River-the married couple appear to be discussing dinosaurs.

Wash is beside Zoe and beside him is Jayne. Across from Jayne sits Kaylee, between her and River is Simon. Everyone thinks the married couple are talking of dinosaurs.

"Rexy is a might odd." Wash shrugs at Zoe's words on Mal at the moment.

"Maybe Rexy needs a Roxy?" he murmurs.

Zoe shifts closer to him, "Roxy is damaged."

"So is Rexy. Fight with Pterodactyl Deacon tore him up."

Zoe blinks and sighs, "Wonder what story is to be told."

Wash nods, "Wonder what the truth of the story even is."

Zoe glances at Mal and then River, "Seems we may never know."

Wash narrows his eyes at his plate, "Maybe they've met and we don't know yet? Do you think they've begun the story?"

Zoe feigns interest in her protein as she thinks, finally murmuring, "They started separate stories. Neither has read the other. It's almost at the surface but they're both T-Rex species, who knows when they'll admit it."

Wash frowns and then beams at his wife, "On the brighter side lamby-toes This Land is thriving!"

Zoe chuckles at her husband and kisses him lightly.

No one brings up what Mal had brought to light about River.

They are waiting. Waiting patiently for Mal to do it.

They don't know he intends to do it in private.

They don't yet realize for it to be talked about someone else would have to bring it up.


	12. Chapter 12

**Without further ado…

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**

River stands to clear the plates and Simon takes her hand slowly, "Mei mei, sit."

River meets his gaze and then looks around the table.

"Simon it is her turn to clear the table. And you do not have to check her arm, just give her more supplements." Her voice is quiet and tentative.

Simon opens his mouth but Kaylee beats him, "That's not exactly it mei mei."

River sighs and looks at the table, squaring her shoulders she speaks slightly louder with an underlying strength, "Is this about Captain telling all of you about his conversation with the girl?"

The whole of the table is slightly surprised at River speaking so much, so clearly-the whole subject noun thing not too important.

River did not speak like this. Everyone at the table is sure of it, everyone but Mal who knows River in a different light.

As River glances over at Zoe and Wash the Amazon woman thinks openly, '_Forcing yourself to talk?'_

River nods.

'_Sounds good. Been practicing with someone?'_

River stiffens and looks Zoe in the eye. Zoe feels her gaze turn surprised and River looks away quickly.

"River," she whispers.

River keeps her eyes downcast as she waits.

Mal looks at every face, coming to River's last.

He watches her and she pulls away from Simon. River stacks plates and carries them to the sink with ridged spine. She leans against the doorway and closes her eyes.

She pictures her words, she rehearses them. She speaks in a voice close to loud and strong, certain.

"She was going to wait to tell all of you that she plans to leave after the next job. She told Captain she plans to leave soon.

"She had decided she will leave and she will not get hurt. She will do fine by herself."

Mal sat tense in his chair, River aware of this fact along with Zoe.

Everyone except Mal and River talks at once toward River as she stands trying to keep her gaze off of Mal.

River slams her fist against the doorway with a thud and silence resumes.

"To answer the most common question, your witch is leaving for reasons of preservation. Captain can tell you what she means when he feels like it. She refuses to discuss it anymore."

Just like the night before at dinner River goes back to how she is around her whole family.

She is silent and fades into the background. She doesn't acknowledge any questions. She glances at Zoe who nods and River leaves to take her turn to pilot..

Simon is trying to get her attention as she leaves, "Save yer breath doc, she's gonna go fly." Zoe murmurs.

All eyes turn to Mal who is fighting to remain in his seat and to appear calm.

Finally he comes back to the moment and realizes his crew is talking to him.

"Sir, what did River mean?" Zoe asks.

At the same time Simon is rambling on to no one in particular.

Kaylee is pleading with him with her eyes and her voice, begging to hear it's not true.

Wash is trying to soothe them.

Jayne is talking loudly about how River can't leave, how irreplaceable she is.

Mal stares at them blankly for a few minutes, their voices no more than background noise as the voice in his head carries his attention.

He stands and all at once his crew, his family, goes quiet.


	13. Chapter 13

**Another update! Yay! Haha, I spent all last night reading this story and I'm pretty much liking what I've written, let me know what you all think!**

**Review Replies:**

**Kit-cat99 - I'll leave you in suspense, let's hope Mal get's his head out of his pi gu and acts!**

**Annie - Thanks!**

**vsg - Thank you so much! You have no idea how nice it is to know someone thinks I'm getting something right here! It truly is my pleasure to share and I'm glad you enjoy reading! **

**casedeputy - I'm glad you enjoyed Wash and Zoe's conversation, it was fun to write! I'm sorry for the cliffy, those things just write themselves. And yes, Jayne is so...matter of fact in seeing things as useful or expendable-in other words, what helps him and what doesn't. Silly man ape. **

**Without further ado...  
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Mal stands behind his chair and swallows hard, his jaw clenching.

"Reasons of preservation. River's leavin' us so we'll always be happy. She don't want ta hold us back. She said she knows Zoe, Wash, Kaylee and Simon are happy and okay with each other. Soul mates." he lets his eyes travel over the happy couples before staring at his hands, clenched on the top of his chair.

"She don't want to damage, or hold ya back, or ruin it for no one. Preserving it so she don't ruin and cause the downfall. She thinks leavin' is final payment to lessen the debt she feels she owes. Reasons of preservation." Mal finishes in barely a growled whisper as the crew that is more a family sits and absorbs his words.

Mal turns on his heel and walks away. He walks around his ship, back and forth, going over steps he's taken not five minutes earlier.

He doesn't go near the cockpit. He stays off that end of the bridge. He thinks and fights with himself, internally waging war. He is unaware of his crew watching him, hardly conscious of anything in his surroundings.

* * *

Zoe and Wash walk to their bunk, discussing everything. "Do ya think somethin's up with River and Mal?" Wash asks.

Zoe sighs and looks at the hatch to the hallway, "I don't rightly know. I think somethin's up and only they know what all it is. What worries me is that River may really leave. Then no one will find out what coulda happened had somethin' been going on."

* * *

On the other side of the ship, in the engine room, Kaylee and Simon lay in her hammock listening to the whir of the engine. Kaylee strokes Simon's temple, "She'll come around honey."

Simon sighs, "She won't. She's stubborn. She wants this and no one is going to stop her. And she won't talk to me and I just want to understand."

Kaylee kisses his cheek, "I know. I'm sur she'll tell us when she's ready. Jayne said he thinks she may just need a vacation and that she'll leave for a while and be back with us before we realise she gone."

Simon doesn't answer back, he knows this isn't going to turn out well.

* * *

In the cockpit River tries to block everything out. She rocks slightly and stares out into the black. Her mind drifts to Mal before she can stop it and then she can not get her mind off of him, every thought is on Mal. Her friend, her Captain-exception to rules and unsoiled, unobtainable. "Preservation," she murmurs in a thick voice.

She doesn't want to leave. Once upon a time she had made a promise to herself, when Mal had almost died alone on the ship that was their home trying to sacrifice himself for his crew, that she would never leave Serenity or her Captain.

She assumed all others would leave, even Zoe and Wash.

She knows Mal will always stay with Serenity. She resolved to never leave them without giving it a second though. Now she was breaking the promise to herself that no one else knew of.

But she knows she has to leave. She has to get away from Mal before she ruins him. She knows she is developing feelings for him that he could never reciprocate, knew no one could ever love her. She just hopes she leaves soon enough to preserve her heart as hers and not Mal's as she feels it is fast becoming.

She is still thinking of Mal as she tries to stop her brimming tears.

She stands and walks to her bunk, taking out a journal and turning to a new page to begin writing letters to her family.

Simon, then Kaylee until slowly she has five letters written and a sixth started.

She doesn't know what to write to Mal. She had managed to push him from her mind with the task of writing but now he is present, front and center.

She broke down in silent tears as she let her words flow, from the heart that was only partially hers.


	14. Chapter 14

**Review Responses:**

**Kit-cat99 - Haha, sorry! I love the suspense of it! If only River and Mal could be simple for once and just let the love flow!**

**casedeputy - Aw, sorry! I'm glad you liked it at least, sorry for the possible tears.**

**Gwenfrewi72 - Thank you!**

**Kellyann211 - Thanks for the four reviews! The chapter six conversation was fun to write and I'm very glad you liked how I'm trying to word everything! Thank you!**

**Annie - Thank you!

* * *

I hope all reading this enjoy! I spent all day today writing this one over and over again. In the original that I had written I had about eight hundred words and now...yeah. It felt wrong having so little in this part and so I elaborated a lot, and it just felt right to add more memories than I had. If the chapter seems angsty or anything I'm kind of hoping it all meshes into one nice blend. This one was very fun to write and I plan to edit the other chapters that will be following it tonight.  
It's pretty gorram long, it's Mal-centric and the italics are the memories. Let me know what you all think, hope it's good!**

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Mal finds himself in front of River's bunk. He knew the exact second she left the cockpit, and now is hesitating to knock.

He turns away seconds before his fist makes contact and he walks away with a tensed frame.

He goes and stands in the infirmary, thinking of the times River had been in the room for check ups or for major medical attention after a job or fight.

Mal lets his mind drift, it wanders to when the blast doors opened.

* * *

_The lift doors open. He is in pain, but he knows his 'Tross will be there, waiting to hear him say the words and tell her that she no longer must bear the secret. _

_His eyes land on the closed blast doors first, sealed away-his family is safe._

_Slowly he looks over everyone, most all of them injured._

_Zoe staring blankly at the empty space beside her tensed body, her body laid down and injured as she shifted her pain filled eyes to look at him. _

_Next had been Jayne, arm gushing blood as he still used it to hold to one of his many heavy guns-pointing it at the blast doors, ready to fight still. _

_Simon and Kaylee and Inara were all huddled together to him. Kaylee lying next to Simon, hands interlaced as she stared at him with a sad expression and he struggled to breathe, gasping as his eyes flew wildly between the sealed doors and his new family. _

_Inara kneeling, virtually unscathed. She has a look of disgust on her face, revolt showing at the wound and violence, for Mal's own appearance and angry expression._

_Mal realizes River is missing. His mind processes things slowly from there._

_Anger sizzles in his gut. Inara has a graze on her cheek. She sits with a bow and arrow next to her, matching outfit still spotless-a testament to the fact that she had not been too big of a help in the fight against the murdering raping psychopaths who weren't completely human._

"_Report." He speaks in a haze. "River?" He hopes that at her name, she will pop up magically from behind a crate, that she will show up because he calls her._

_And then the doors opened. _

_A wave of pure euphoric adrenaline pulses through him at the sight of her._

_Surrounded by light, blood and bodies had been River. His fallen angel, his 'Tross had viciously fought Reavers in hand to hand and had even taken their own weapons to fight. She had done the biggest share of protecting._

_His eyes met hers as he smirked slightly, she had taken her turn-fighting her nightmares, the creatures that helped rot her brain and destroy her life.

* * *

_

Mal blinks and fades back to the present, eyes roving over the infirmary as he slowly resurfaces from the memory. He strides over to the examination table, mind rapidly becoming lost once again.

* * *

_The wall explodes, silhouettes his fallen angel once more. His family drops their weapons, hands raising in surrender as the Alliance scum points guns at them._

_Not River. She does not begin to surrender. She tenses her muscles, already shaking from exhaustion, and prepares to fight. He knows he also prepared-if she would fight to protect then so would he._

_And they had been spared._

_The crew had been rounded up and in a blur they had all wound up in an Alliance infirmary. _

_River fixed everyone. The Alliance had spared one infirmary, one surgeon. River had taken control and handled the crisis of healing her family._

_The surgeon had been only an intern and was beside that nearly useless in high stress. As he ranted to River and tried to stabilize a fading Wash Zoe began to do something that Mal had never seen before. She began to crumble, tears on her cheeks and her body trembling as she almost fell to her knees-stopped only by Jayne grabbing her._

_River had looked so calmly between the surgeon and Zoe, striding away from her administration of medical help to Simon that Mal had gulped._

_She reared back her fist and slammed it into the surgeon's nose, the crack resounding in the silent room._

"_Get. Out."_

_Wisely, the surgeon left._

_From there, Mal remembered fading in and out, watching. River made rounds-band-aid to Inara, pressure tourniquet to Jayne's arm, a cocktail of medicines shot into Kaylee, a quick fix for Zoe. When someone was done River sent them to the recovery room next door, observation glass allowing them to watch. Of her seven crew members Inara, Zoe and Kaylee are in the room._

_River moved over to him next, gently cradling his blood covered cheek, "Stay awake. Promise the girl you will not slip away from her."_

_Mal blinked hard, painfully as his whole body seems to throb. "Aye 'Tross, wouldn't leave if you tried to make me."_

_And then River was gone, floating about in a succession of graceful and adept movements that Mal had to watch._

_She went to Wash and stitched and burned the small capillaries together, restoring blood flow to his purple arm and attaching a bag of blood for a transfusion. She closed his wound and checked for nerve damage, restoring Wash to life with care._

_Next she went to her brother, eyes glazing a bit as she stared at him. _

"_River." Mal murmurs and she blinks, looking over at him before resuming._

_She is stone faced as she operates on Simon, finishing with him she shoots him a cocktail of drugs and watches his breathing even out, feels his heart restore it's unique rhythm._

_From there, she allows the worried Zoe to help her move Simon and Wash to recovery, three gurneys set up, a chair planted next to the third as Zoe holds to Wash's hand as reassurance that he is still with her._

_River stitches Jayne's arm and he grumbles thanks as he goes to recovery, anxiously set by the door to watch for trouble._

_Alone in the empty room, River fixed him. Gentle hands carefully tending his wounds without a flicker of hesitation or disgust. _

"_Thank you." River met his eyes as she finished and whispered the words. At his confusion she whispered, "The weight was lifted and the silent screams stopped. Indebted to you, thank you."_

_And then she had begun to pass out, her own gash wound in the head having bled enough to stain her black hair in sticky crimson._

_Just as gently he had stitched her up and together they joined their crew in the recovery section of the infirmary.

* * *

_

Mal sighs as he sits on the exam table, bringing his head to rest in his hands. He had gotten the gift of seeing River fix everyone, gotten to see her in action in so many ways. He couldn't help it as his mind flitted next to River even before then.

* * *

_Confusion. River was his ship, and there was someone who he didn't know on his ship. _

_A merc._

_A bounty hunter._

_A threat._

_Mal knew the anger in his gut was for so many reasons and only directed at one person._

_Jubal Early. The man who hurt Mal's own mei mei Kaylee. The man who threatened his medic, hit his companion, assaulted his Sheppard and locked away his crew, taking over his ship._

_But what angered him most was that Early thought he was going to take Mal's witch._

_After spacing the no good hun dan Mal had to watch over River as she fretted over her brother, unwell still and unable to heal her ge ge.

* * *

_

So much change. River was so strong, able to go from shattered to healing, able to fix those shattered around her. Another memory interrupted Mal's thoughts and he gave himself willingly to it.

* * *

_His witch had lost her voice, the melodic music stopped. He couldn't stand the silence from River any longer, exploding at his crew-family and charging off to the cockpit to find her with incredulous stares tracking after him._

"_River!" he nearly bellowed, eyes landing on her calmly setting his girl on autopilot._

_She turns to him, eyes showing her rapt attention as her lips sit lightly together, no words coming to acknowledge him._

"_It's over! No more, I don't give one gorram bit o' caring about just why you're keepin' silent but I'm not going to have it anymore. Say something!"_

_River stands and begins to glide past him, only to be caught up in his embrace, Mal pulling her to him and setting his jaw-prepared to hold on forever and a day if she wouldn't talk._

_And then she had met her gaze to his._

_Tears._

_She was so sad in that moment that Mal pulled her closer still, deciding without realizing he wound up swinging her into his arms and settling onto the floor, away from prying eyes and with only his 'Tross to focus on._

"_Why're you sad? River, xin teng wiang, tell me how to fix this."_

_River openly cried into his chest, silent in her pain as she holds just as tightly to him as he does to her._

"_Riv, look at me." He waits until she does, it takes longer than he hopes and still she only masks some of her hurt. "I want the ruttin' truth."_

_River swallows and nods slightly._

"_Is it something someone did to you?" She shakes her head and he nearly sighs in relief-no one was hurting her without him knowing. "Is it Jayne?"_

_River nods and then shakes her head, eyes clouding over slightly and so he rushes on._

"_Our crew?"_

_River sobs and nods, eyes so sad his heart seems to break._

"_Tell me. I already talked to 'em, but if I need to I can go have another little chat with our family."_

_River hugged him. To his surprise, she just hugged him and laid her head to his chest. She listened to his heart and opened her mouth to speak. _

"_They are afraid of the girl. They do not know how to treat her, how to be and she does not wish to scare them or cause undue turmoil. So she stays quiet. But their thoughts are always with her and she hurts. She wants to protect them, but she is what they fear."_

_Her words were barely a whisper and Mal hugged her to him even tighter, burying her into his chest and trying to pull her away from anything that wasn't him.

* * *

_

Mal blinks hazily, pulling himself from his memories. He stands shakily, the memory of what he said to comfort his witch swirling faintly. He strode out of the infirmary and made it to the galley before he was ensnared in the past once more.

* * *

_River had set the hold up with mattresses and tables, made everyone but Inara lay there as she cleaned Serenity and tended to healing ship and crew._

_Reluctantly she let Jayne up first, allowing him to move freely. Zoe was next, but then River made her lie back down. Mal tried so many times to get up but River insisted he stay._

_The first night on the ship River had already patched things a fair bit. It was far from healed but the crew still stayed in Serenity, unable to leave their home even as it was nearly destroyed._

_That first night Mal couldn't sleep and instead laid awake watching River. He watched her move about in a slow grace, repairing and tending anything that she thought needed her attention._

_Another night he had woken, wobbling to find his 'Tross when she was not in his sights. He found her outside, cleaning the ship and restoring her outer beauty. _

"_River, I don't rightly care how deadly you are, don't be out here alone at night. I don't want you getting' hurt or windin' up with someone messin' with ya. Dong ma?"_

_River had bowed her head and escorted him back to his bed, locking up his girl and then heading to work on the engine._

_By the time Kaylee was allowed up from River's makeshift recovery station the engine was fixed._

_Slowly things resumed to normal. _

_River helped Zoe move Wash to their bunk and regularly stopped by to help Zoe in taking care of Wash. _

_Inara wasn't on the ship after the battle, going to stay with a group of retired companions to recover from the trauma._

_Finally, River allowed Simon to get out of bed and the only things left to fix on Serenity were minor and able to be done in a day._

_The they had been stuck. Inara returning to paint Serenity in the ship as busy work and River truly busy repairing a coil, Mal watching her lay under the heart of his girl and lovingly aid her in a path to flight._

_River set them gliding through the black and the set auto, checking over everyone from Wash to Inara.

* * *

_

Mal clenches his jaw at the thought, he spins on his heel and strides away.

His feet betray him, leading him to a closet more familiar than the rest. The closet where he had to cuff River to the floor, remembering covering her with the blanket and tearing himself away to take care of business.

He left the closet, walking along desperate to find somewhere that River didn't linger.

The hold. His eyes locked onto the mule and still more thoughts of River came. Thoughts about the first job after the hiatus caused by the war for truth they waged.

* * *

_Mal tossed cargo into the back of the mule, prickles running over his skin as he thought of River and his crew. They were still scared of her, still avoiding her-she was still silent. Jayne grumbles under his breath as he settles a crate in the mule._

"_Mal, ain't right havin' that one come." At Jayne's words Mal turns and looks at him, following his gaze to watch River balance herself on the railing. She stands completely still with her feet planted on the bar in a single file line, eyes closed as she holds her hands straight above her head-fingers stretched to the ceiling._

_The smile tugging at Mal's lips was squelched by the time Jayne met his gaze. "River earns her keep. But she wants to come and we need her. I'll not hear ya talkin' bad on Li'l 'Tross."_

_Jayne snarls, "Girl's feng le Mal!"_

_Mal snarls back, "Yeah, well, crazy she may be but she's workin' on it. And she saved all o' us more than once." He keeps his voice slightly quiet, aware of her still balancing close by._

_Jayne's face shows he understands Mal referencing the fight for truth and grumbles, "Wouldn't a needed no savin' she didn't bring us to that place. Her fault for it all, rightly she shoulda done something' 'stead just causin' the mess. Her job to save us on that 'un."_

_Mal tenses so quickly Jayne doesn't register it, doesn't see the fist flying his way. Mal is satisfied only slightly at the sound of Jayne's nose breaking._

"_Ya don't wanna do this with me Jayne. You really don't."_

_From the corner of his eye Mal saw River looking at him, saw her jump down and glide away as she wraps her arms around her chest in protection.

* * *

_

Mal lets his eyes focus back on the world around him, letting out the breath he didn't know he'd held. River had proved beyond useful in the fight that ensued at that job. She had even spared Jayne a gunshot wound or two.

Shaking his head Mal strides with resolve to her bunk-she's in his head, he might as well go talk to her about just why she wasn't leaving him any time soon.

He pauses outside of her bunk, wavering before the stars glimmering in the cockpit catch his attention and he walks that way, more thoughts swirling in his brainpan about the woman who wanted to leave his life.

Standing in the cockpit Mal remembers again hearing River talk for the first time, he knows still just how good her voice sounded to him after going so long without it's melodic lullaby. It would be an understatement for Mal to say he found her voice pretty-everything about River was beyond pretty, she was beautiful.

Memory after memory flits past his mind's eye-all the times he and River had sat up here and talked, spending time before jobs here with River prepping for trouble, when Inara was leaving and River had sought to ask him why he was not feeling as he used to-only to have him bite her head off.

* * *

_Mal walks into the kitchen, unable to sleep as he thinks of the dinner-River still wasn't talking to him after their fight. Zoe had noticed and it gnawed at his gut not knowing what Zoe had said to make River walk out without touching her plate._

"_Mal!" the surprised voice of Inara jolts him from his thoughts and he looks up at see her making tea._

"_Hey 'Nara." His voice is distracted but still friendly._

_Inara notices. "You're…different." Mal looks up and frowns at her, curious over what she means as she looks over him just as curiously. "No fighting me over this, you seem to have lost most all your interest in me."_

_Mal smirks and nods to the table, sitting with her and opening up. "Game's done 'Nara." At her look he continues, "I had feelings for you-lust mostly. And you always kept your reactions a might fun. But I don't really feel nothin' over ya now but friendly and protective-as any captain should feel to one of his crew. I'm…sorry. For everything I put you through and said to you and all Inara. I hope you find a good life for yourself."_

_Inara stares at him in shock and then smiles, "Apology accepted, thank you Malcolm. I…I have to ask. What brought such a sudden change in you?"_

_Mal feels the gnawing start at his gut again and glances toward the bunk, "River." His reply is honest and his voice is clearly caring._

_Inara arches a perfect brow and smiles, "Congratulations! I can not believe you acknowledged your feeling for her so soon! Have you told her? Or is she angry at you now because you are fighting them?" _

_Mal blinks stupidly at her and then shakes his head quickly, "Nah 'Nara, no! Not like that woman! She just talks to me is all-we ain't like that. She helps me, confounds me and then explains. I don't rightly know why all my other feeling for you left so soon but I think we're both thankful for my change of heart."_

_Inara fixes her gaze on her tea and holds her tongue-if Mal was to be oblivious to his feelings then it was not her place, besides-River was smarter. She was pulled from her thoughts as Mal sighs. _

"_I…I was a real hun dan to River earlier. I was wonderin' if you had some words of advice?"_

_Inara tilts her head, "What did you do now Reynolds?"_

_Mal winces, "She just wanted to know why I was suddenly so different feelin' to you and I kinda gave her a bit of a tongue lashing for it. Whole day 'Tross ain't said a word to me and then the thing at dinner."_

_Inara nods, "I saw. Zoe knows. I imagine you'll have to own up and apologize Mal. Zoe may have some better advice-she knows River almost as well as you do."

* * *

_

_Mal strolls around the corner and stops short as he sees Zoe waiting by his bunk. "What's wrong Zo?" he asks quickly._

_Zoe glares at him and before he processes Zoe slams her fist to his diaphragm. _

"_Hello Sir. I've been here since the end of dinner. Now, listen close Mal." Mal was doubled over holding his chest and he looks up at her best her can, the cool anger in her voice warning him to be careful._

"_You've made a terrible mess of things with River. I don't rightly know what all happened just that you two are fightin' and on the job today she almost got shot 'cause she was distracted. She's been moping for a week, ain't said two words to me since the day this started. Fix it. Or I will be hitting you a lot harder next time."

* * *

_

Mal absently rubs his diaphragm, eyes looking over the chairs that he had spent so much time in with River. After the encounter with Zoe he had brought up a few mugs of coffee and sealed River into the bridge with him, the two sitting and watching the stars-Mal apologizing and River slowly finding her way from her seat to his, finally opening back up like a flower given its first taste of water after a drought.

Mal turns sharply, ripping himself free of the memories and drags his feet as he passes River's bunk. He pauses outside and lays his hand to the hatch, leaning on it as if it will disappear and let him in to see his 'Tross.

"I can't lose you River. I don't think you can leave-all in my head, you're all in my ship. I don't think I can bear to only have a bit of you left here, I can't bear to lose you River." He lets his hand fall and walks on to his own bunk, knowing a night of sleep is not in the cards but trying to hide himself away from everything that made his heart pang to keep his witch.


	15. Chapter 15

**Review Responses:**

**Kellyann211-Thank you. It was a doozy to get right, glad it seems good to you.**

**Kit-cat99-Let me assure you, there's a kiss. Eventually.**

**Casedeputy-Haha, thanks! I debated whether that was realistic but decided Zoe would definitely get rough with Mal if she needed to.**

**Annie-Thanks! Hm, haven't read it but I'll go check it out when I can. **

**Gwenfrewi72-Thanks! **

**PhoenixWytch-No problem, thanks for reading.**

**Irishbrneyes-So sorry to drag the waiting out, I was trying to edit and rewrite the rest of the forty pages and before I knew it the story was dragging up toward fifty pages. I decided to finish up the story so I wouldn't have to come face to face with another block, rather now I can simply post a new chapter each day. In other words...all pages shall be appearing here for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!**

**(I hope to get this all done and so sorry for the long wait.) - Original sentence of upload. Edit: I am still not done with this document because every time I rewrite a chapter it doubles or triples in length. But, I am up to chapter 31 of being edited, rewritten and formatted to my standard and that leaves, what?, 17 more? So, here's the next hit for you junkies. I'm hoping this means I'm back but we know I tend to stray. My real hope is that anyone who reads my work has a renewed belief that I never abandon my stories. This will get done and so will the others.**

* * *

River wakes up laying on the letter she had penned to Mal. She looks over the tear stains marring the crisp page and doesn't care-he'll know she was crying without the physical proof when he reads it.

She folds all the letters and places them in their correct envelopes to match with names already lovingly written.

* * *

Kaylee walks through the hallway, her overalls hanging down and a tentative smile on her face. She knocks and opens River's bunk carefully.

River stares at Kaylee just as she finishes hiding her letters. Kaylee grins to her, "Uhm, breakfast is done an' I wanted to be the one to come get ya."

River smiles and stands, walking to Kaylee and raising her hand to the happy girl's cheek.

Kaylee smiles at first and then frowns sadly, "Honey, ya been cryin'!" River shrugs and kisses Kaylee's cheek gently.

Kaylee laughs at the simple reassurance and hugs River, the two going and joining the others in the kitchen.

* * *

River meets Mal's gaze and reaches for her cheeks, remembering her tear stained face. She walks to the sink and wets a rag, cleaning her cheeks with the cool water.

'_Rough night?_' Zoe asks mentally. River nods and then turns to look at Zoe. '_Captain had a terrible rough night too. I went to get him this morning, don't rightly think he got a wink of sleep._'

River winces and sighs angrily at Zoe's carefully planned assault. Wash looks at Zoe and then River, quickly trying to diffuse the growing tension. "Uhm, honey, why don't ya tell Jayne about the time you met my parents?"

Zoe looks over to Wash and smiles, "That lip ferret times two. I could have died."

River sits down and eats quietly, Mal watching her. He reaches out and brushes her hand, '_River,_' she flinches back and Mal's gut clenches. He withdraws his hand and watches River avoid his gaze.

No one but Zoe notices. '_You shouldn't be like that, we're gonna have to talk so you can explain._' River glances up at Zoe glaring.

"She would appreciate everyone staying out of her head. She tries not to pry and yet those who she seeks to protect open themselves and force things into her brain pan."

Simon looks at River, "Maybe we wouldn't have to if you talked to us." He says it quietly and River looks at him with a hurt expression that quickly steels it self into anger and dark mirth. Her eyes narrow and she purses her lips as her crew shifts to try and figure out her next move.

"She was not aware she was forcing everyone's hands into filling her head. Reasons of preservation are why she...I am leaving after the job and also why I have not talked much. But please, let me talk now."

River stands and crosses her arms, pacing through the kitchen. The others eyes follow her, occasionally her crew shares glances of apprehension. "Let's see, where to start?" she whispers quietly.

She glares at the ground, "Well. I am leaving, as you all know, to save you from what I know. I will break you apart if I am not careful." She tries to will them understanding of her words, a grasp of the gravity of her cautionary tale. "What happens if I slip? Crumble." She meets each of her family members gazes individually, all of them but Mal-she stares over Mal, unable or unwilling to meet his eyes neither are sure.

"I slipped during our fight to show truth. You all were injured. They almost won. By the Operative's mercy we were spared, not because I saved any of us. I slipped. Wash almost died."

Zoe holds up one hand, the other locked tight with Wash's, "You were still healing and you fixed him and everyone else."

River smiles eerily, "But I slipped, Zo. It almost cost your husband his life. Not to mention I was still slipping when everyone else was hurt. I should have been telling you all what was coming, what position to be in, where to go to be uninjured. When I managed to be semi productive, to somewhat make up for my lack of being present and alert during the fight it was not...I did it because I care, had to keep you all with me out of selfishness.

"I was not looking exclusively to make up for my lack of being alert during the fight because I was alert, I just was not present beside all of you."

River walks to the doorway, her arms uncrossing as her fingers reach out and trace the edges. Her family watches with concern drawing their features tight.

"I got to live through the fight from many points of views." Her voice is a bare whisper. "Not mine at first, but then I woke up. Woke up from the nightmares of being beside all of you when you fought, were injured, were scared. Beside the purple bellies who were being burned or slaughtered. Beside the reavers."

River's eyes look to them now but she's in her mind and doesn't truly see them.

"Never told that to anyone. I was beside them as they chased us or stopped and helped us by taking their nature out on the Alliance. When they were hurting and being hurt and...and..." River blinks, her body shaking lightly as she pulls away from the thoughts and memories of being with the reavers. "Reasons of preservation, they are what I base my life on. Now should I continue? Or do you want me to be quiet again?"

River looks them over and nods, "That's what I thought. But one last thing. Preservation has kept me running. So this action of me leaving is necessary. Just look what I can do to you all with my words. Look what I can do when angry or bitter. Most all that matters to me is keeping you all good. Preserving what you all have fought for and what I have been trying to build up, maintain."

River glances at everyone and nods to Zoe, heading to the bridge and once more fighting off tears.

Mal itches to chase after her, to tell her all her preservation can go to hell. But he sits and chews over the fact that what most worried him when she got lost was that he found himself in the woods chasing her.


	16. Chapter 16

River preps the mule, prepares to leave for the job. She tosses her bag in the back with the cargo-she would not be joining them on their return trip.

She had laid the letters in the co-pilot chair, knowing they would not be found until Serenity was heading off Remy.

River walks about, not thinking to float or twirl as she usually does. There is not joy in her right now. She sits on the bottom stair and stares at the air lock, thoughts of Mal in her mind. She is jolted back to the present to realize Jayne, Zoe and Mal are ready to leave.

She climbs into the back of the mule and avoids looking at her family. Kaylee cries in Simon's arms, Wash patting Simon's shoulder. The three keep their gazes off River, staring instead at the air lock as River knows that they are trying to protect her from their grief, trying to give her what they think she needs.

They begin to leave River's home of Serenity and River fights the urge to keep from looking back. She hears Kaylee's broken sob as Simon begins to say her name, begins to call goodbye but stops and snaps his open mouth closed. She can faintly feel the emotions of the three people she loves around her and she closes her eyes and fights her resolve to stay strong, to keep their emotions from her head and to remind herself she's doing right.

When she opens her eyes, they are slowing. A frown creases her features and she gasps, "Ambush."

She shoots out of her seat as Zoe stops and she pulls her gun, making sure her legs are locked in. "Zoe, get us out of here." Jayne stares at her and Zoe restarts the mule, no questions as they trust her.

A single shot rings out and River jerks, all three of her crew looking at her as she looks at her shoulder, blinking as blood begins to bloom there.

"I'd stay put if I were ya. Else we shoot 'er 'gain." River narrows her eyes and aims at the voice, readying to pull the trigger when she realizes her odds, lowering her gun and clenches her fists. She was going to get her family killed. "Turn off that mule and stay."

Mal stands and grabs at River, trying to push her down.

"No!" she hisses, meeting his gaze. Mal stills him self and swallows as he tears his gaze from her to look around.

"What do ya want?" he asks.

They were to meet with a man named Padre. He and his crew were now surrounding them.

The voice without a body rings out again. "We want this job fer free. Want yer mule. We want ev'ry gorram thang."

River snarls, "No!" eyes blazing as she stares into the trees around them.

Mal glares down at her, jaw working, "Keep your mouth shut."

River looks at him in challenge, pushing him away from her. "Sit back down." she hisses venomously as she hops from the mule. She grabs the cargo and sits the crates ten yards from the mule. She feels the men around her-their feelings. They were impressed with her. Good.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks to Kit-cat99 for reviews!**

* * *

River licks her lips and walks to the side of the mule, shoulder bleeding a bit less as it twinges more in pain. "Any money is to be handed over. No arguing."

Zoe reaches, taking the money from Jayne and Mal and adding it to her own, handing it over to River with steady hands.

River grabs her bag, digging in it, aware of the guns on her, for her own credits."The odds here are not in our favor Captain Padre. You knew we would come with four. Knew you had five men for each of us." River tosses her bag with the cargo and quickly estimates the amount.

She squares up to the front of the road, knowing he will step out to meet her there. "You do not take the mule. You do not take the woman in the mule. You don't harm the crew in it. It will save you a good deal of pain and losing a good number of your men Padre." She has her hands up, staring straight ahead.

From the trees surrounding them, out steps the twenty men, then into River and the mule's path stepped Padre. He looks over at the mule and motioned half his crew to watch them.

Mal tries to get out, anger simmering as he wants to protect River and get his family the hell out of the trap. "No!" River yells, watching with fisted hands as one of Padre's crew hits him with the butt of their gun. Mal flops back into his seat cursing and blinking as blood blooms at his temple. "Gorramit Captain! I am telling you to stay in that mule!" River takes a breath and calms her voice. "Zoe, Jayne-keep him in there. And Captain...keep your mouth shut."

Padre watches, listening to the exchange as the little crew does as told, muted surprise in their eyes and flaming anger and concern in Mal's. He laughs, looking to the man in taunting, "Ain't ya the captain here?"

River lets out a shuddering breath at the razz in the words. "Yes. He is the captain. And since you are doing this to get at him, Zoe is not the way. She is our pilot's woman." Padre tilts his head in interest and the trio in the mule listen with bated breath.

"I am our captain's."

Silence.

River raises her chin, "You want to get at them, you go through me. You want to hurt him...you hurt me. Let them leave. I will stay and I will not fight. It will give you your revenge and my captain will crumble as you take me apart."

Mal starts to speak and stops as Padre slaps River, sending her flying to the ground. Mal grips the edge of the mule as his gut clenches and Zoe and Jayne watch him close, hands restraining him as they know deep down what is going on.

Mal glares at Padre, he tries to stand as River rolls to her back. He stops at the look in her eyes, the hands holding him back and the men with guns meaning nothing at the pleading in her eyes.

"Take your girl's advice Captain Reynolds." Padre grins, "Or I make it even worse for her."

Zoe stares at River as she tries to stand. '_Got a plan?_' River meets her gaze, blinking once. '_Involve us?_' River blinks twice. '_You're gonna make us leave?_' River smiles and blinks once.

Padre grabs her hair and pulls her up from her position half kneeling. He smirks at Mal's tensing jaw, "Tell yer lover ya love 'im." he hisses the words as he pulls a knife and places it on her skin.

River looks at Mal and her small smile grows as she looks deep within his eyes. "I love you Mal." Her voice is dripping truth and she lets her emotions show on her face.

Mal swallows, '_Don't do this River, please, don't._' he pushes the words into her mind. She smiles serenely and Padre shakes her by her hair, her smile falling as she winces.

"Now. Tell 'im anything ya want an' when I say done ya shut up."

River closes her eyes, "I love you. Tell the others goodbye for me. And that I love them." she pauses and takes a breath, opening her eyes and rushing to say, "And I mean it when I say I love you but this is how it's going to be," Padre digs the knife into her skin.

"Stop," he says in a sing song voice. River does, clenching her jaw and opening her eyes to meet Mal's sad ones. "Captain. Ya have yer piece to say I reckon. Say it. I'll stop ya when I'm ready."

Mal swallows and looks at River, "Never goes right for us. It ain't worth it River. I live and leave ya here, ain't rightly worth it." He tries to show her, make her see in his eyes that leaving her would be leaving his heart. "I love you and I don't reckon I'm gonna be able to leave ya. Livin' without ya ain't worth it." He stops as Padre cuts into River again, clenching his fists tighter, "Stop!" Mal hisses in anger, eyes leaving River's to glare into Padre's as the man seems to take joy in the scene he's directing.


	18. Chapter 18

**Thanks to Kit-cat99, Annie and casedeputy!**

* * *

Padre pulls River's hair harder and smiles at her wincing. He releases her, tossing her to the ground.

River starts, hitting the ground and holding back a cry as her wrist breaks. She pulls her focus back, trying to get out of being caught up in Mal. Mal tenses at the sound of a bone popping and breaking.

"We're gonna have ta work on ya bein' a bit more vocal dolly." Chuckles come from the crew of men and Zoe feels a swell of sickness as she shifts. Padre skirts his gaze over her and River looks up at him with angry eyes.

"Tell me why I don't want...Zoe, was it?" he tries too hard to keep his tone casual but River feels the way he wants to take the woman he knows is Mal's best mate. River knows he works too hard at being unfamiliar with her. She curses her self for having been too distracted to have seen the man for what he was sooner.

"You do not want the pilot's woman because she is pregnant, for one." Jayne and Mal glance at Zoe as she raises a hand to her stomach, eyes confused and worried. River meets her gaze and nods slightly, confirming. "And for two, I am better than her. I will do exactly as you say, whereas she will fight until you kill her or she kills you." River looks back to Padre and steels herself. "I will be your pet Padre. And I will be much more. I am an Alliance weapon, you take me you have free use of me. I am a reader and as long as you have me you have the upper hand, and the number to keep it."

Padre laughs and motions River to stand. She does and he circles her, "And why would yer crew be here if'n ya had the advantage?"

River looks at her feet, "Fighting your heart leads to stupidity and blindness."

Padre claps his hands and stands in front of her, "See there then? Good thing we reconciled ya two a'fore somethin' happened. Now," he reaches for her and River stays still and does not flinch back despite wanting to as he looks from Mal to her. "Whate'r I say? Better'an her? Show me." His eyes light up as he believes he has all the power.

River smiles as things flow to her, showing her the path to be taken from calculations and the dim ideas Zoe tries to broadcast to help River stay focused. She flips a switch in her brain, shuts out everything but what was trained into her. She winds her arms around Padre and looks at him with empty eyes from under her lashes, doe eyes of stone. Padre smiles and River leans up, kissing him teasingly, returning the kiss when he deepens it and pulls her closer. She allows tendrils to slip in and feels Mal's anger as strong as she feels her own disgust, she feels Padre's men's lust for her.

Padre pulls back and smiles to River, "Ya just won yer crew's life at the cost of yer own freedom." He glances to Mal's angry visage and taunts, "See why ya would keep her, she is a beauty and I bet from the taste of what she jus' gave me she's a wonder to take." He nods triumphantly when Mal roars in anger.

"Ya five," he points to some of his men, "walk them out of the trees an' come back to our li'l welcome party with this one."

Zoe starts the mule and the men turn it around for them on the narrow road. The five men surround the mule with guns aimed and walk along the slow moving mule.

River is aware of Mal looking back at her as she counts the beat to the beginning of the dance. Padre notices Mal looking to River and he grins, punching her and sending her sprawling. He rears his foot back and kicks her.

Mal watches and wants to go get her, wants to kill the man slowly. "Sir." Zoe warns.

River watches the disappearing mule, ignoring Padre's beating. She smiles sickly when it is out of sight.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks to Kit-cat99, funny review-rest assured, Padre gets his!**

* * *

River lets Padre pull her to her feet and she wobbles a bit, she whimpers theatrically and Padre and the men laugh. In her head, she is counting in for the beginning.

"Speak," he hisses in her face. River swallows and widens her eyes.

"I-I-I," Padre slaps her and she smiles slightly as she pushes out tears, turning her face to sadness she says, "Mistake."

The one words confused Padre and he tosses his weapons down as his men similarly disarm and prepare for a little roll with her. River looks toward the crates and sees all the weapons placed there, only two men close. She sees her opening and prologues her appearance on the stage, "Mistake Padre. Big mistake."

With that, River punches him and he grabs her broken wrist. She ignores the pain, using it for balance as she kicks the five men who rush around her, Padre letting go and tossing her, watching her fall and skid into a tree.

River pulls her gun from her thigh holster and fires off the shots, shooting six men.

She gets up quickly from the ground, pulling four knives and throwing them with precision into four hearts.

"Ten put to sleep." She whispers. There were five alive, five with the mule and Padre. River grabs a gun as she feels a bullet in her good shoulder. The pain doesn't matter as she aims, firing and double tapping three men. But suddenly arms are grabbing her and she is caught, fists flying into her stomach and face and she head butts the face behind her head. She kicks the man hitting her and breaks his neck. She snaps the neck of the one who tries to keep his hold on her, pulling away to stand on sure feet.

Padre and the five with her crew. No, she tells herself, those five are dead by now. She focuses on Padre who is standing by the cargo and aiming two guns at her. One is almost empty. She reaches for her gun and he unloads the last three shots, two into her right shoulder and one to graze her hip. This time, River falls to the ground at the pain, bullet on bullet as they earn more blood on her stage.

River grins and shakes her head as she looks at Padre from her knees. He is scared of her. "Should not trust a weapon Padre." The duality of her words flies over his head and he looks at the gun in his hand warily. "That gun in your hand, it's jammed. One of your boys don't clean his toys. My friend would be upset over that." River smiles viciously as she stands and keeps stepping toward him.

He tosses down the gun, scrambling for another but River crouches and springs onto him, tackling him and glaring into his eyes. "You messed with my family, tried to take advantage of them."

Padre struggles, desperate to be free of the dangerous killer woman. He raises a fist, cuffing River on her cheekbone. She rolls off, dragging him with her, pinning him back down and fisting her hand in his shirt as she slams him to the ground and raises her gun to settle under his jaw.

"I do not appreciate that." Her eyes darken and she snarls, "Then you messed with me to mess with my Captain. You worried my crew and you twisted my Mal's gut in anger and pain and concern. I do not hold to your little, pathetic campaign for vengeance against a man who did nothing but right Daniel Packer. Now you pay your tab to me."

River moves her gun down, pressing it to his manhood and knowing her gun is empty. Padre stammers and shakes his head. River squeezes the trigger and Padre screams as the gun clicks.

A slow grin covers River's face, her blood leaking in to her mouth a bit and the taste of dirt smears in with the taste of fighting.

"Look how nice I am. It takes a great woman to refuse to spill the blood of the man who hurts them and their family."

She stands as she speaks and her eyes flash, "But don't push it." With that, she delivered a ferocious kick to Padre and she feels the dancer's muscles jar at the sudden stop and her ankle gives a cry at the pressure as it feels a shock of pain. Padre, for his part, gives in and passes out into temporary oblivion.

She turns from the now unconscious Padre, walks to the cargo and weapons and her bag. She lets her gaze wander as she goes, taking in every weapon and bag of money she can see even with the edges of her vision taking on a shimmering effect-looking more flimsy than real, like maybe a dream is fading away.

River methodically moves, quickly gathering the valuables and settling them with her bag on the cargo beside the best weapons. She takes out a shirt and tries to stop the brunt of her bleeding.

A wave of nausea rolls over her, woozy is what she feels when her head hits her knees.

A rustling vaguely makes her tense and her muscles twitch all over as she feels Padre come back to reality with a new fire for vengeance.

The sound of running feet hits her ears and she grasps the butt of a pistol, leveling it quickly and shooting twice.

A roar echoes through and River lifts her head to glare at Padre, both knees nothing more than spots of blood and carnage. He falls with a thud and she whispers, "I'm not a woman of second chances. You get one shot Padre-what you make of it is what defines you. Violence has always defined you."

The third shot slams into his brainpan, squish-the dirt floor under his head is slick and sticky with blood that looks black to River.

"Reasons of preservation, my job is over." she whispers the words as she hears distantly an engine moving closer. Her eyes close and the last thing her conscious mind feels is metal sliding from her hand and the thud of her own body greeting the earth that cushions her fall.


	20. Chapter 20

**Thank you to Kit-cat99 for the reviews!**

* * *

Mal hops from the mule as it slows, his feet carry him toward the small heap of woman curled against dirt.

He skids to his knees beside her, rolling her onto her back and looking her over, trying to feel life in the motionless body.

His hands slide beneath her, pull her onto his lap and he fumbles for a pulse as her head lolls and her eyes remain closed.

"River, open up them eyes. Come on woman, don't go doing this to me."

Zoe and Jayne approach slowly behind Mal and Zoe rests a hand to his shoulder, "Sir, we best get her to the ship-Simon needs to fix her now."

The shaky nod from Mal has Zoe moving away from him, knowing the only support she can offer him now is fast driving.

Jayne reaches out to help Mal but the man gets to his feet, secures his hold on River and looks for all the 'Verse like he won't ever let her go. Wisely, Jayne walks beside him to the mule and steadies the captain when he climbs in and quickly turns the mule facing back to the ship.

"Jayne, you come get this cargo afterwards." Zoe's calm voice fills the air as the mule takes off.

Mal holds to River, lithe slim body now sprawled over him as he pushes at the shirt on her right shoulder. One hand raises to her cheek, livid red marking the pale expanse of flesh as he can see other colors beginning to settle and stain her skin.

"Albatross you cain't be doing this to me, not now, not when I know." Zoe glances at Mal, his eyes fixed on River's face and briefly the first mate wonders if Mal thinks he can will her the strength to wake up. "Wake up darlin' 'cause I ain't got an idea how to make it with ya gone an' we both know it."

Zoe slams on the breaks, watches Mal stand and jump out holding to River with all his might.

The sound of footsteps hitting the floor fills the ship as Mal rushes to the infirmary and applies pressure while waiting for Simon.

"Where the gorram hell is he?" he bellows to Zoe as she stands with Jayne. Simon skids in to the room, halted by the sight of his mei mei. Kaylee and Wash nearly plow into his back and his wife coaxes him to move forward as his eyes rest on his sister.

The whole crew is in the infirmary and Simon glances at the captain, "Mal," he starts.

He stops at the hard glare Mal aims at him. "Do your ruttin job." The words are low and dangerous, an edge of desperation under the anger and Mal looks to the others. "Jayne, do as Zoe told ya. Wash get us off this rock as soon's he's back."

Kaylee shakes and Mal briefly notices a pack of envelopes clutched in her white knuckled hands.

Slowly Simon starts at the top of River, working his way down. Once he gets to her shoulders he starts cursing steadily and then slams a hand to the exam table, "Gorramit there's too much blood!" he hisses.

Mal is right beside River, he barely even glances at Simon as he turns to a table and opens a drawer, riffling to pull out a temporary cast. He quickly sets her wrist, sickened at the sound of bone grinding bone and skin as it crunches back into place, beneath the skin.

He wraps the cast tight and looks up at Simon, "What do ya need help with doc?"

Simon shakes his head, "Broken wrist, ribs. Doubtlessly internal bleeding. Sprained ankle, knot to the head. Bruises, cuts, scrapes. Gun shots and grazes, torn scalp. I think she has a punctured lung. She's beat all to hell."

Mal looks at the now frozen Simon. "Simon," he says the name with strength. The surgeon tears his eyes from his sister and looks at Mal, hopeless eyes meeting desperate ones. "How can I help you fix her? You can heal her."

Despite the calm and reassuring notes in Mal's voice, Simon shakes his head. "No, I can't. Did you just hear the list of injuries? And, oh yes, how could I forget that she's unconscious and unresponsive!"

The young man raises shaky hands to his face after his shouting ends.

Mal clenches his jaw and steps close to Simon, grabs the front of his shirt and slams him against the nearest wall.

Simon pushes at his hands and glares angrily, pain and hopelessness filling the place of anger.

"You're my doctor. You're on this crew and so is she. You fix her. Don't ya dare say ya cain't." Mal looks from Simon to River then back quickly. Resolve in his eyes. "Her heart is beating, you fix her. And if her heart stops you restart it. Now get to work and tell me how to help you."

Mal light tosses Simon toward the exam table. The doctor clenches his jaw, firming himself to the job at hand.

Simon feels River's stomach, "Start extracting the bullets, sterilize and stitch."

Mal moves to do as told and Simon moves to prep a table for operation. "Zoe, put an ice pack on her ankle and clean and stitch all superficial wounds you can reach without getting in our way. Jayne-grab me a bag of blood, should all be Oh-negative."

Kaylee cries into Wash's arms as Zoe walks forward and sets to work. Jayne returns to standing by them and Wash and Jayne stare at the scene with empty faces.

Mal ignores the hopelessness of his crew and murmurs to River as he finishes extracting the fourth and last bullet, "We're gonna fix you. Reasons of preservation got blown to hell but we can put it back. Sometimes things need to change, this will be okay. You're gonne be okay River."

Simon looks at the captain sadly, feeling he would be disappointed and that the fixing was for naught but to make River's time dying more chaotic than needed.

Simon clenches the scalpel tighter as he cuts into his little sister and no response comes from her. Mal finishes the stitches and grabs a rag, cleaning up her scalp and face as Zoe stitches.

The only steady sound in the infirmary is breathing and the occasional slick of a blade through skin, of a needle through flesh. Mal's constant murmuring to River is shaky and it places a clenched fist in all the guts of the crew, long after all they can do is done the fist remains just as the murmuring does.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks to Annie and Kit-cat99 for reviews! This one's short but tomorrow's is close to 2,000 words! And that's just the morning segment... Enjoy!**

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A chair sits occupied next to a metal exam table, also occupied.

A monitor flanks the other side of the table, constant beeping filling the room as a bag hangs down and a tube winds to end against the pale, cool flesh of the patient.

The patient is all fixed up. Even still, she looked nothing short of hellish.

Her eyes are still closed, her body still unresponsive. Her blood transfusion was finally over, drugs being pumped into her system to encourage the quick healing of bones and then the regeneration of muscle and skin.

Outside the infirmary, into the kitchen sits the majority of the crew. Simon walks to the table, pot of coffee in hand. It had taken a day to fix River and make sure she was stabilized. A shot of adrenaline and five bags of blood later, the crew was sure that she would not crash.

The crew sips at coffee, all hoping the witch pulls through.

Kaylee sniffs and holds up her right hand, envelopes still clenched in her grasp. "I found these in the co-pilot seat. Figured," a hiccup marks the fact that she was still yet fighting tears and Simon lays his hand on her thigh, rubbing reassuringly as his shoulder brushes hers.

"Figured River meant to leave and let us find 'em later. One for everyone. I'm gonna go give Cap'n his. Here," Kaylee hands out the letters and walks to the infirmary with a fresh cup of coffee. She watches Mal for a moment and fights the tears a bit harder.

She walks in and meets his pained eyes. She holds the envelope out, "This was left at the front of a bundle of letters. One for everyone. From River."

He takes it and stares at it as it rests in a shaky hand. Kaylee looks at River and brushes a hand over her temple. She kneels by Mal, "Captain, here, ya gotta-"

He shook his head at her offer of the coffee, eyes still on the envelope. Kaylee swallows and smiles slightly, "'Kay, for now. Later then. She's too stubborn to let us go like this Cap'n, you know that."

Kaylee leaves Mal to rejoin the crew, notices the unopened letters. She frowns and picks up her own.

"Who's gonna open there's first?" she murmurs after a long stand of silence. She didn't want to open the envelope, she couldn't.

Silence still reigns as she sets her envelope away and Simon sits his on hers. The others pile theirs on as well.

"I can't read that. It's meant to be her last goodbye and with her how she is I'm not giving her reason to leave. We'll put them back in her bunk with her stuff." Simon's murmured words are the only ones breaking the silence.

Kaylee bites her lip, "The Captain,"

Zoe shakes her head and glances at Jayne, "He needs to read his. Reckon it ain't a goodbye."

Jayne nods to agree and three pairs of eyes settle between them. Zoe speaks again, "They told each other they love one another. I'm willing to bet that letter is one that holds River's heart, not her last goodbye. He needs to read that."

Simon, Kaylee and Wash stare and listen as Zoe explains everything, Jayne occasionally tossing in his own observations from the mess of it all.

In the infirmary, Mal toys with the corner of his letter. "Li'l 'tross I don't now if'n I want to read this or burn it."

He imagines what she'd say and finally opens the envelope.

"I'll read it to ya too then."


	22. Chapter 22

**Thanks to Kit-cat99, hope all enjoy. The letter went through many rewrites but it was one of my favorite segments to work on. Hope it's good!**

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Mal pulls out the neatly folded papers from the envelope, unfolding them with hands that feel ready to shake as his mind whirls with what his witch could have said as what she meant to be a final goodbye.

He swallows hard and glances from River to the paper, letting his eyes glance over the front page of scrawled writing.

"To my captain, I cain't stay on your ship anymore."

Mal's voice is slow and low, his accent flowing out as he reads the neat and precise words on the page.

"That is what this letter should be 'bout-leaving an' stayin' away from your ship. But Mal, it seems I cain't make myself write what I should to leave you in peace. So let this girl write the truth."

Mal runs an absent digit over the rough spot on the paper, wrinkled and bled of color, marked by a tear.

"I cain't hash over the events before Miranda-when I was so broken that fits over hair an' cans were normal an' the possibility that I could be safe was never considered.

"We both know that though the river flows on course, in many ways she is still broken."

Mal shakes his head, looks at her, "Riv, the only way you're broken is 'cause of that gorram fight. You ain't broken an' I know better than to think you ever was-just different. Not broken 'tross."

Moments pass of Mal silently sitting, trying to will the knowledge of his view of the strong woman on the exam table into her unconscious mind. He finally steadies the papers in his hands once more and reads on.

"We were similar. You were left with physical and emotional scars from your war with the purple bellies just as I was. I suspect that would be the reason to blame for your actions. For accepting me as crew when I was not whole, for protecting me and choosing me over some of the others."

Mal lifts a hand to rub at his chin, feels the prickle of a beard starting.

"Malcolm, I never felt safer than on board Serenity. With you."

As the words echo faintly he sets the papers down and leans closer to the table, rests his head in his hands and wishes for her to wake up so he could keep her safe. Keep her with him.

"Ruttin hell River, you know how to make a man feel all kinds of stupid. Shouldn't a never let you think to leave, I should have fixed this 'tross. So's we wouldn't be here tryin' to fix you."

The pages sit forgotten momentarily as his mind roams over what he will do if his 'tross decides she will not wake. The very thought feels like a punch to his gut and he sucks in a sharp breath and shakes his head, scrubbing his palms over his face to try and rub away the thoughts.

He sits up and grabs the papers once more, ready to delve further into the words that River never told him in person.

"Ya once said to me that you staked the crew on the very theory that I was a person. That I was actual, I was whole. At that moment the weapon in me wanted nothing more'n to shoot you. 'Cause I knew I wasn't an' you made me wanna be. You make me want a lot Captain Reynolds."

Mal pauses and licks his lips, trying to focus on the letter and not grabbing River and shaking her awake just so he could hear these words from her lips.

"I'm not a person. I cain't become one. But still ya harbor this belief in me an' I try-I try to be a person an' I try to be whole for ya. I think with your help I started to think that I was healin' the missing parts an' not jus' healin' the bleedin' wound into scars. I can't understand how ya do that to me. I can however thank you with all the being that I am."

Mal feels a tightening in his throat, as if his chest is constricting and instead he reads on, knowing to stop would be to cry over the witch he fears may never wake to dance again.

Mal turns the page over and clears his throat. "Mal, what is the girl to say? She...I cain't tell ya what it is I'm fleeing from. But I think it's everything. I am busy trying to flee from everything. Yet everything follows me, stays with me and though I try to be whole a piece of me is missing, left to stay with my everything.

"I feel like I've failed you, like the blame I've always felt is finally right. Our family has all blamed me for somethin' at some point, most people I've know have blamed me-you never blame me. Blame me now. Blame me for running and being weak. That is what my leaving is, preservation and fleeing. Blame me so this is easier."

The stubborn shake of his head would doubtless make her laugh if she were awake, he knows it. Just as he knows it he knows what she's getting at with her words.

"I took my turn protecting an' I've never stopped. Preserving and sustaining our home, the freedom we all crave and that you try to create just to satisfy us all. When I do my duty I am River Tam, girl and weapon, mei mei and perfect daughter, crew member and protector. Created a certain way to be everything and nothing. When killing I find myself, like when dancing or fighting. End a life to find my path-that is the monster I am."

Mal closes his eyes and turns to the next page, brushing his thumb tenderly over the tearstains marring the paper. "You look at me like I am a fallen angel. I've seen it, never understood but I've seen it." He pauses to brush a hand over her temple, smiling slightly and making a silent promise to explain to her sometime. "It ties my stomach in knots, makes me anxious. The fact that with you I am no longer River Tam. That when I am with you I feel as if I become something-not nothing, not everything, just something. Something like a real girl, a real person. I never thought being with someone would make me feel as if finding myself rested only within staying with them. Maybe that's why I couldn't stop it, didn't know until it was too late."

The captain smiles as he reads more, feels the tightness in his chest winding up to match the winding thought in his mind.

"I have to leave Mal. I have to let go. I cain't stay just to make myself happy-I cain't just use you because you make me feel. I have to let our family go, the only home I've ever loved. The only man who could ever hold my heart. Please, please don't be mad that I fell in love wit'ya. Jus' know that I don't expect love in return, I know out there is someone deserving of you. I am not her. I have to preserve the happiness of our family-your family now. I have to preserve you-the great man that you are. I wish I could have preserved my heart as mine, but I don't think I ever used it except when I gave it to you."

Mal feels a tear fall down his cheek but he knows the woman he's crying over is worth it-deserving of it.

"Blame me Malcolm. Blame me and hate me and never look for me. Let me go. Run from me should we ever meet. As the only request I'll ever make of you-keep my heart and home and family safe but above all keep them away from me. Please. I love you and I hope someday you understand how I could be so crazy as to love. Be happy, find happiness. Keep some belief and freedom. Never settle for someone who doesn't deserve you Mal, find the woman who gives you freedom and her whole self and nothing less. Aim to misbehave and learn to live in the woods that help you see your path."

Mal skims his fingers over the last words on the page, her parting. "Lovingly leaving, your witch."

He lays the letter by her head with shaking hands, reaches to cradle her right hand-the one marred only by raw knuckles and not encased in a cast. He intertwines his fingers with her dainty bruised ones, kisses her knuckles tenderly and whispers into the back of her skin.

"River, ya gotta wake up bao bei. I love ya, haven't got to tell ya but the once and that surely ain't the time I'm countin' as the first time I ever tell ya."

His eyes look over her beaten body, his stomach turns to think of her laying on that ground, being beaten. His mind ran wild with the images he could still picture-her body flung and the sound of her wrist snapping. The scenarios swirling in his head of what happened after he left made his jaw clench as he fought the urge to be sick.

His head bowed over their joined hands, tears rolled down his cheeks and he swallowed hard. "I want you to wake up. I want to talk to you. I need to tell you everything I haven't, everything I've hid. I need you to wake so's I can tell you how you're the one making the mistake, loving an ol'crabby hun dan captain like me. You deserve better but I'm a selfish man and I cain't ever let you go. Wake up and let me take care of you, let me show you everyday how much I love ya, let me prove to you I ain't settling and let me earn your love and become deserving."

He runs his free hand over his face, roughly wipes at his tears. His eyes lock onto her face and he barely dares to breathe the next words for the way the truth of them settles in his bones. "Ya gotta wake up, ya can't die because I'd surely die as well. You're my freedom and my belief, you're my happiness. I could only ever love you, all that you are as a whole woman with a heart to big to be broken by all you've been through. Don't leave me now, never again. Ya gotta stay 'cause that path of mine ain't gonna go on if you disappear. You're the only reason I've a path left in these woods River, please bao bei, wake up and give me hell for leaving ya to misbehave by yourself back there."

Mal closes his eyes and prepares to stay right in the same chair until River wakes up. He knows he won't move, won't budge until he sees her eyes and hears the whimsy and melody flow from her lips in her angel voice.

He holds to her hand, keeps his fingers woven in hers. He wants the connection, wants the bond. He seeks the assurance that she won't fade away and leave him like she wanted, seeks the control of staying together in her grasp.

He can't lose her and he can't let go because to let go would be to lose himself.


	23. Chapter 23

**Reading through what I've post. Did I skip my morning post? Pretty sure I did. If not, here's an extra heaping of Misbehave! Thanks to Kit-cat99 for the review!**

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Mal is still in the infirmary three days later.

Every night past Simon would come in with Kaylee, morning and noon and night. Kaylee would bring a plate of food to Mal so he could pretend to eat, letting loose River's hand for that short visit to allow Simon to check River and inform Mal of her continued stability that shows no sign of progress up or down.

Kaylee would take the barely touched plate and leave a bottle of water and a mug of coffee. Simon would linger to watch Mal sit back down and take his sister's hand and entwine their fingers. Sometimes Simon thinks he hears Mal whispering to River, thinks he hears pleas and words of need being uttered but he never turns back to listen and pry.

No one comes into the infirmary besides the thrice daily visits from Kaylee and Simon. No one wants to interfere in the happenings of the captain and the witch, to see the desperation in Mal's eyes and the bruises and stitches on River's skin.

Wash keeps them flying, Zoe keeps them ordered and takes over while Mal stays with River.

"Husband, we have to consider either setting down to hand her over to a real hospital or setting down to give her a stable place to try and rouse."

Wash glances at Zoe beside him as he pilots, he reaches to hold her hand and sighs, "Well lamby toes, it would seem we have to do something. Mal won't last much longer at her side and she's chock full of all we got to try and heal her. What do you suggest now love bug?"

Zoe swallows, settles her hand tighter in Wash's. "I suggest we head toward Hera. Set down where won't no one come to look for a living soul."

Wash knows where she means, knows what she's thinking. He quickly plots in the course, sets the ship for landing on soil and knows a resupply can be managed with the mule, that he and Zoe could go to the busy portion of the planet for a while and return to head off to the darker portion of Hera, the portion no one deemed to dwell on for fear of the screaming ghosts might be heard. He pulls his hand free, wraps Zoe in his arms and pulls her onto his lap. The couple sits, watching the black pass.

"When I said River just used my being pregnant to hold off the men I lied."

The rush of words makes Wash glance at her puzzled. He looks slowly from her face averted toward the black and to her stomach. "So...we're having a little brat?"

Zoe swallows and Wash finds his breath catching. "We're gonna have a little space brat all our own."

Zoe's head whips toward Wash as he crushes her to his chest, a muffled whoop of joy sending tingles across her skin. A smile takes over her lips and she wraps her arms around his neck, letting herself melt into the joy of sharing her pregnancy with her husband.

"You realize Mal'll have a mouthful to say whether or not we wait for Riv to wake up, right?"

Zoe glances at Wash and a small sad smile takes over. She shrugs, "Mal'll have nothing much to say whether or not Riv wakes or not. Man ain't gonna care much that we're happy and baby blessed. Though he may threaten you a bit."

Wash nods solemnly, joking over the last part as the first of her words stick in his head. "Ah, a revisit of the good ol' days before we managed to get married."

Zoe reaches up to finger her necklace, a shoelace from her combat boots of war. Her symbol of marriage, of freedom. Wash smiles and glances at the console, sees the edge of a leather holster underneath with a shiny gun tucked in-knows a portion of shoelace wraps around the hand grip.

"Do you reckon anyone not part of our crew would understand how our wedding rings would be a gun with a string and a string with an extra coil?"

Zoe shakes her head. "No. But I reckon we'll have fun explaining to our kid why mommy and daddy have to be so untraditional."

"It works for us. What more will the kid need to hear?"

The soft smile lets Wash know Zoe is relaxed, lets him know the 'Verse is okay even if maybe Mal and River are falling away from her for a while.

Across ship, on the stairs to the infirmary Simon and Kaylee sit with joined hands, watching Mal and River as Mal holds to her and strokes at her hair, carefully checking her wounds.

"He's startin' to smell more like the infirmary and less like the captain."

Simon nods once, eyes carefully watching as Mal ghosts touches to his mei mei's bruises.

"It's all I could do to have him wash up a bit. I can see the drastic weight loss from not eating, the way his body is suffering from this. It's almost as if he's sharing her pain."

Kaylee turns rounded eyes to him, stares. "She's in pain?" her whisper is hesitant, as if she does not want to know.

Simon swallows, "She should be in pain, even with the drugs I had in the cocktail for healing. I can't administer more because I'm trying to wake her not put her to a deeper sleep. From what I've seen she is feeling pain."

Kaylee sniffle, "Reckon it's so that captain sees it too?"

Simon sighs and looks as Mal lays his hand to River's cheek and tells her a story of a time he was laid up in an infirmary back on Shadow.

"He sees it. He pointed it out to me, asked if I could help. I think..." Simon breaks off and Kaylee squeezes his hand. "I think he's scared she'll suffer from all this, mentally. That she'll be broken like before and kind of too crazy to talk to. We're both a bit scared that the blows to her head will leave her scarred mentally and maybe steal some of her away, her memories."

Kaylee sets her chin and shakes her head stubbornly, "Nope. Ain't no way Riv'd ever leave us. She's too strong, ain't no way a bump is gonna hurt her, take her. If'n the hun dans at that school couldn't do it, this cain't neither. An' even if she comes back to us but don't remember everything then we can just remind her."

The young doctor looks at his wife, leans his forehead to hers. "Sweetheart...I think Mal's more scared she won't remember she loves him. No matter how we try to remind her of everything else, if she forgets that it's not exactly set any which way to remind her."

The sniffle comes with a tear and Simon wipes it gently. Kaylee closes her eyes, "Simon, I just want them happy. We cain't let anything like that happen 'cause Cap'n wouldn't be able to take it and River'd be lost without him."

Simon begins to nod, agree. A gruff voice interrupts, "Hey, you two stop playing at that gooey mush go se and come 'ere." The couple turns to Jayne, sees him cradling his hand around Lex in her holster and knows he's heard enough to be unsure, uncomfortable. Before either can reply Jayne nods toward the kitchen, "I got a thing of engine wine out. Figured a night at the table playing some cards would give us all a chance to talk on...well," his eyes skip toward the bottom of the stairs and Simon stands and pulls Kaylee up.

The trio leaves Mal and River alone as Wash and Zoe come across ship to settle in with their family, to inform them that now the ship is settled on the soil of Hera

Mal lets his eyes close as he hears the clatter of feet a few hours later, listens as his crew parts ways. He slides down in his chair a bit, not too much-he still needs to hold to River, to let her hold to him.

Sleep takes hold and Serenity is quiet.

For a while.

Four hours short of the day cycle Serenity seems to hiccup, seems to start from her previous rhythm and settle into something smoother. In the engine room Kaylee lifts her head from Simon's chest and gazes over the engine, whirring continuously. The hammock rocks a bit but Kaylee smiles and whispers, "An' the 'Verse is right once again. Welcome home."

Mal opens his eyes, trying to figure what woke him. He feels the shift in Serenity and sits up to look around. Nothing appeared wrong and he looks over River, half hoping she's awake and half dreading she's gone.

She seemed the same as he had seen her the past few days.

"Wait," he murmurs. Her breathing was not as deep, her cheeks had a flush to them that transfusions could not help.

He lets go of her hand and goes to turn on the dimmers. When he looks back she is wincing.

"River," he breathes, moving to kneel by her makeshift bed. He grabs her hand and the wincing soothes. "River wake up. River, can you hear me? Darling," Mal looks at her in apprehension. He begins to pull his hand back, ready to go rouse Simon to help him.

A squeeze on his hand gives him pause and he stares at her small hand in his, he looks slowly back up to her face and her eyes are fluttering open.

He can't help but stare, just stare and smile. "River," he utters the word like a worshiping man uttering a prayer.

She blinks and tears spill down her cheeks. Her hand pulls from his hesitantly and that clenching is back in his gut as she looks over him almost warily. Her hand presses under her eyes, looks at the wetness on her fingers, "She is leaking."

Mal feels his breath stop, feels his mind whir with thoughts that maybe the mental damage would do what the physical damage couldn't-steal her away.

"Where is she?"

The quiet whisper makes Mal swallow and he pulls back, sits on his haunches and answers numbly. "Serenity. You're home River. You're where you belong."

River looks over him, eyes taking him in. Something seems to make her want to touch him and so she does, reaches out and cradles his cheek. Suddenly, the fog in her brain and the hesitancy is gone as her head tilts and his eyes move to meet hers.

Without warning the trickle of tears turns to liquid spilling down her cheeks without abandon. "Mal," she murmurs and bites her bruised lip.

Mal lets out a shuddering breath, as if the first in a long time and maybe his lungs forgot how to breathe. "I'm here with ya darlin', no need for them tears."

He wipes them away from her skin and suddenly her eyes cloud again, she pulls away quickly and tries to sit up. Instead of rising to sit up, she gasps and her hands push at her chest as it throbs. Mal looks at her in worry, eases her back down and tries to ignore her tensing at his touch. He clears his throat and steps away from her now, stands behind the chair.

"You're beat up pretty bad. Do ya need anything?"

River wants nothing more than to tell him that he is all she needs but she turns her head away from him and looks at the wall beside her.

Mal takes the silence and works his hands on the chair. River shifts a bit and the letter falls to the floor, her eyes look at it and her body stills. Slowly she looks to meet his gaze and he swallows nervously.

"You...you read her letter."

Mal hears the fear in her voice, sees her eyes look so uncertain that he wants to grab her and pull her to him, wants to soothe her and assure her. At the moment though, she looks like his touch is the last thing she wants.

"Yeah. Uh, I...I read it to you to. When you was sleeping."

River frowns and looks at the ceiling, letting her mind come back and clarify itself from the fog trying to remain like sticky ink on her hands.

"Oh," the soft whisper leaves her as she remembers the fight and falling away. She remembers all the events after in her subconscious, can pick the moment Mal read her letter and she wants to tell him she knows he was at her side because she always felt his presence. When she looks at him though, he looks pained to even be standing there and it feels like a knife is hacking at her heart as she rolls away from him, ignoring the minor pains of her body as the pain in her heart takes priority and she thinks that maybe the letter meant nothing and that all his words were to bring her back and keep her in the home he knew she loved.

"The girl is okay now Captain, you can leave her. She knows you've yet to rest and thanks you for luring her back to reality." Her words are quiet and weak, her voice is shaky and she squeezes her eyes shut trying to control her pain.

Mal swallows, thinks. He knows she remembers it all. He knows she is the same River now as she was when she decided she would leave him and tried to. But he wants her to be different, for once he wants to change her a bit-wants her to be the River happy to stay, the River who understands that she doesn't have to leave to preserve nothing or no one.

He moves, sits on the edge of the exam table and lays his hand to her shoulder. He gently rubs her skin, leans a bit to look over her profile and sees her eyes closed and mouth pressed together.

"I haven't left your side since I found ya in a heap and I don't plan to now. I didn't wanna leave you before that, didn't want you leaving my side neither."

He leans down, so he can look at her face full on.

"That letter you wrote...were you honest?"

River sniffles and trembles. "Yes."

He waits for her eyes to open a bit and he smiles to her, leans up and moves from her. River raises her hand to her face, wiping her tears and biting her lip to muffle her crying as she waits Mal to leave. Instead, he rounds the table and kneels by her, looks into her eyes and rests his hand on hers as it lays on the table wet from tears.

"You heard everything when you was out?" she nods slowly and he smiles wider. "It wadn't a lure. I was honest. And...I do blame you. For just one thing though."

River waits for him to speak and he leans closer, settles his hand tighter around hers. She watches the difficulty he has swallowing and hears the tremble to his voice as his eyes seem to show her his soul.

"I blame you for being a coward who tried to leave the only man she ever loved. And for bein' that coward now and tryin' to drive me off, tryin' to make me leave ya when you're the only woman I could ever love."

River's breath stops and Mal squeezes he hand gently. "But it's alright, 'cause I almost lost you and I ain't such a fool as to lose you for real. I ain't leavin' and I ain't gonna let you run. So here's us, stuck in these woods again."

River looks into his eyes for moments on end, searches for a sign that he is trying to lie and trying to protect her. Slowly she smiles, turns her hand into his.

"Actually Captain Reynolds, I am more inclined to think we're starting to learn to live in the woods without a clear cut path out."

Mal lets a small chuckle escape as he rises to wrap her in his arms, holds her to him and knows it's all okay.

"I reckon if we're on the same path then it don't much matter if we got one out of the woods bao bei."

River smiles wider into his shoulder and then pulls away, sees his questioning gaze. She scoots over on the table and motions him to climb up. He sits on the edge and she rolls her eyes, waits for him to lie next to her. When he does, she carefully settles against his side, angles so she can look up at his face.

She smirks and raises her right hand to his face, ghosts her touch over the growth of stubble. "Thank you for staying beside her. Though the fact that you smell like the infirmary will have to be rectified."

Mal chuckles and settles his arm tighter around her, makes sure he doesn't pain her many injuries. He knows by the way she refers to herself that she is still drained and exhausted and he finds himself adoring her slips from referring to herself in first person and third person. "Couldn't a'left if'n I wanted to. Sorry I smell, I think we both might smell like infirmary though bao bei."

River nods once and then glances at her body as her very movements make her ache. Mal lifts her torso so she is laying flat half on him and slightly inclined, her bottom half carefully spread next to his. River smiles and lays her head on his chest, her right hand settling over his heart.

"Have to wash away the smells of infirmary and dirt, of blood and fighting."

Mal lifts his hand to cradle the back of her head, "Yeah 'tross, yeah."

River lays quietly in his arms and feels his heart thrumming steadily. She wants nothing more than to stay here forever with him, to know that his heart will continue to thrum and that he does not mind holding her heart.

Mal blinks heavily, fighting the pull of rest now that he has a reason to stay awake besides protecting the woman in his arms.

"Ya need anything darlin'?"

River looks up at him and smiles, "Nothing. You're here and so I am fine."

Mal smiles back and moves to grasp her hand, pulls it from his heart and presses a kiss to her palm before settling it back where she had it laid.

"You've no idea how good it is to hear your voice, specially as ya say words like those."

"Did you doubt that she...that I meant what I wrote?"

Mal shakes his head and glances down at the papers on the floor still. "No. I just didn't think I'd ever truly hear ya sayin' the likes of them to me. Not before I read it and not even after."

River nods slowly, snuggles closer to him, "She can understand." The time passes quietly before she speaks again. "I never thought you would want my words Mal." The quiet whisper sounds like a painful confession and Mal wants to cradle her close and explain everything. He settles for knowing the night will be full of talking with the woman he holds.

"I want your words, wanted them for who knows how long. But more importantly, River," he swallows, plucking up his courage. "I want you."

River feels tears again and ducks her head to hide them though he can feel them soaking down to his shirt. "You shouldn't. Bad. You should have better, you deserve..."

Mal raises his hand to tilt her chin up so her face angles and he can see her. Her voice stops on a weak sob and her breath catches at the pulse of pain through her. He lets her recover and then speaks on. "The only thing I ever deserved in life was a ship that'd be with me till death and a crew I could call my own. Somehow I got the ship and I got the crew, 'cept the crew's more a family. And somehow, somehow this wacky 'Verse gave me you."

His hand cradles her bruised cheek. "I don't deserve you sweetheart. You're from a whole 'nother kind of world, you're young an' proper. Ya come from fightin' for your life on account of the damned school yet ya keep this glow, this spirit that ain't nothing ever gonna break. Ya don't reckon it's so but I see it, I see you as the whole woman you are and the life you should have."

River's tears stop as she simply stares at the man talking so to her, marvels at his words. "Ya don't rightly need to be anywhere near a man like me. I've been broken too often to tell, you an' me both know Serenity Valley took my spirit for a while and a few pieces of me forever. I know I'm not nearly good enough for ya, but if you're willing to let me hold on to your heart you've got mine and I can try to be the kinda..."

River stops him by lifting her hand and placing it over his moving lips. She scowls lightly at him. "We're very crazy and very blind. You think you are broken though I look at you and see a whole. I know I am broken though you look and see a whole. Can we just say to hell with needing to be whole? Please?" His eyes search hers and she rushes on, words flowing out as if they can't be contained. "I'm willing to trust you to make me whole if you trust me to do the same. And when some of your spirit falters you can use some of mine. And when I can't seem to find my way to get back up you can help me continue on. Just say we can say screw it to the normal lives everyone thinks we should have and that we can try to have a life together full of what we want."

Her last words are almost mumbled into his chest and he smiles against her palm. He reaches up, moves her hand to press to his cheek. His eyes close and he savors this moment.

"We can an' will say screw it to all that, an' instead we'll have a life together full of each other and what we want what the 'Verse reckons we deserve."

River smiles at him, studies him before his eyes open and she is stuck looking with her chocolate brown eyes into his sky blue eyes, no longer deep blue like a storm is brewing or dark blue like the storm is upon them but the sky blue of freedom.

The two lay together and talk quietly about their intertwining paths in the woods and of the home and family they've found off the path everyone had taken out off the woods.


	24. Chapter 24

**Thank you to Chibiboku-for both your reviews, and to Kit-cat99! A very long blurb of madness this morning!**

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Simon moves toward the stairs to the infirmary and pauses on the middle step to hear Mal's voice.

"Darlin' I feel the need to clarify-if ya ever try to leave again I will drag you back and handcuff ya to me."

The doctor shakes his head at the empty threats, expecting them to fall on deaf ears but he is surprised to hear his sister's voice, "Promise?"

He turns to leave to gather the crew and hears the rest by accident. "I ain't lettin' go sweetheart."

"That's not a promise."

"I promise I ain't never gonna let you try and run again, that I ain't never gonna let you go."

Simon pauses and smiles slightly, nodding to himself in satisfaction that his mei mei is content and taken care of by the captain.

Simon gets Kaylee first, ready to see her face light up at the news. It does, though she seems to have expected River to be awake. He wraps an arm over her shoulder and the pair excitedly gather the others, even Jayne hopping out of bed to see River was awake.

River smiles as the patter of feet brings five happy faces into view. She sits still as they take her in, her alert eyes and her body snuggled into Mal's.

Slowly, the five take turns hugging her and welcoming her back.

"Serenity tol' me last night. That you was back." River smiles to Kaylee and tilts her head.

"She felt me?"

Kaylee grins, "Oh yeah. Engine worked but it weren't right without you. When ya woke up she was back to the proper rhythm."

Mal levels his gaze from River to Kaylee, nods, "Yeah. That's what woke me up, feeling the shift in Serenity. Glad of it."

River glances up at him and the two share a look, each reveling in the tendrils of conversation they shared last night, from all topics of before Miranda and of after, of jobs and of time alone on the ship, even her letter had been carefully read over again.

The crew could see the blooms of the relationship, Simon knew of the sincerity in it. Zoe could see the acceptance and that the relationship wouldn't be smoldering out any time soon. When she looked at them she could imagine them better, could imagine Mal as the crass, adventurous and hopeful young soldier he had once been with determination and a dogged spirit. Zoe could imagine River as a young woman untouched by the evils of people and government, as the fine mix of dancing beauty and controlled fighter that she would become-she could even see the lights in her eyes dancing about to their own rhythm once more.

Slowly Zoe and Wash leave to start breakfast and Jayne goes away to shower and to allow everyone their space.

Simon and Kaylee stay to chat with River and Mal until the reader grimaces and shifts.

"'Tross?"

"Body had been stagnant. Now it is back and it is sore."

Simon stands and comes over, the two helping River sit up as the doctor checks her over. He grabs a syringe and fills it with a drug cocktail but River shakes her head.

"Mei mei, this will help your bones mend quicker and it will regenerate the flesh quicker. Also, a few things in here are to help pain and give your muscles strength as well as boost your no doubt compromised immune system."

River wrinkles her nose and holds out her arm. "Will the bruises leave?"

Simon shrugs, "I put in the supplements to focus on bones and mostly your lung and stitch areas. The scrapes will heal up nicely. I suppose once those are stored away we can change the mixture to focus on bruises and bumps."

River shivers as he pulls out the needle and Mal lifts his hand to her neck, gliding his thumb along the skin of her collar bone.

"Fine ge ge, thank you. Can I walk now?"

Mal and Simon exchange nervous looks and Kaylee grins, "Aw, let her up! She needs to get out of this place!"

Slowly, Simon eases River to her feet as Mal sits on the table and supports her from behind. Mal lets his body slide to stand behind her after she takes a step and tests her legs, body wavering and weaving. Simon eases her back as Mal wraps his arms as gently as he can around her lower waist.

"She is fine." The words are gritted out as River tries to make her muscles work and remember the way to walking.

Simon lets go, steps to stand with Kaylee and watches as Mal keeps his hold steady. River lifts her hand to rest on his clasped hands around her waist and she holds to him as she takes a step and his body moves with her.

On her third step her ankle spasms, the weight making it ache once more. River falls toward the ground and Mal takes her weight and holds her up, he stands her back on her feet and she determinedly places her foot back down in a step, gritting her teeth at the pain.

"You're doing good mei mei. Do you feel like your muscles are weaker? Or just recovering from being still?"

River takes a slow breath and frowns, "She feels weaker but her muscles are just recovering."

Kaylee nods, looks at River's dancer's legs as they move slowly. "Yeah, ya won't never lose muscle Riv-you fight and dance too ruttin much to get all weak."

The little laugh from River makes Mal smile behind her and he circles her along the infirmary, rests her on the table as Kaylee dashes away with a grin.

When she returns she motions Simon and Mal to leave, the two taking in the cotton skirt and button up shirt and turning to wait for River to change out of the sterile gown she had been placed in after all was said and done.

"Ya okay?"

River nods as she slips the skirt on over her head instead of standing. She smiles as Kaylee hands her the brown button up. "I'm glad you're still here." The quiet whisper makes her pause buttoning and she reaches for her sister in law.

The two girls embrace, Kaylee trying to be gentle but holding the younger girl tightly.

"Glad to be here."

Kaylee pulls back and River resumes buttoning. A little giggle makes River look at her and she motions to the stairs, "I was jus' thinkin' on what it'll be like havin' everyone so happy. Me an' Simon, Zo an' Wash. An' now it's your turn, you and Mal's."

River looks over to the counter and sees the envelope full of folded papers. "Our turn."

The evident smile in her voice makes Kaylee want to jump for joy but she moves to call the guys back and grins like a petted kitten long after they come in.

River slides to her feet as Mal and Simon talk by Kaylee and the stairs. She wobbles toward them and Mal catches her hand as she holds it before her. He pulls her to his side and supports most of her weight as she looks at her brother.

"Time for us to move on."

As Simon prepares to ask to where Jayne's voice comes to them, "Ya'll're gonna miss dinner if'n ya keep playin' around down there!"

Wash's voice comes with laughter in the depths, "What our very nice ape man is trying to say-"

"Watch it little man."

"Is that we'll happily bring the food down there if everyone plans to stay there."

Kaylee smirks to River, "Nope, we're comin'!"

Jayne snorts a laugh, "Li'l Kaylee, you're always comin'!"

Simon groans as Kaylee snorts and wraps an arm around Simon, "Only 'cause my zheng fu (husband) has a bit of an appetite."

The blush on Simon's cheeks makes River roll her eyes. "She is just getting hungry, please do not steal her want for food."

Mal nods, "We can't hear stuff like that. It's not..." he shivers and pulls a grimace as he pointedly looks away from them and River laughs at his antics.

Jayne's voice comes again as Wash is faintly heard walking away in laughter. "Doc ain't the one-"

Mal looks at the ceiling as if beseeching help, "Bi zu! Ya'll are worse than children! Get to the table a'fore ya'll have to dine in your rooms." Kaylee begins to make a comment as she snuggles closer to a cheesing Simon and Mal warns, "I will separate you two."

River shakes her head and looks up at Mal, "Zoe is going to come play mother hen if we do not go to eat."

Three pairs of eyes look to the stairs as Mal winces, "That's it, I ain't getting a lashin' from Zo. You two go and take Jayne wit' ya. I'll get Riv."

As they comply Kaylee mumbles, "I jus' bet ya will Cap'n tightpants."

Mal goes to reply but River tugs at his shirt gently, looks into his eyes. "Don't be mad."

Mal immediately cocks his head at her words, "An' why would I be mad?"

River grins at his picking up that Kaylee's words were not what she meant. She looks at her feet and toys with the sleeve caught on her cast. "Well Captain...a certain something the girl said when she was preparing to dance was not a lie. Not a distraction to keep the warrior woman safe."

Mal narrows his eyes, mind flying over what all she had said when trying to keep Zoe okay.

"River,"

She looks at his face, "Yes. But they are going to tell you now. You can't be mad because it can't and shouldn't be changed."

Mal sighs, "I'm gonna have a rugrat crawling around my ship."

River smiles, looks toward the kitchen, "A beautiful little flutter will turn into a beautiful butterfly who flies, wind or no wind."

The captain chuckles, "Ah, so I'll have to rub it in to his daddy he's gonna be a better flier than him."

River rolls her eyes, "She. Don't tell."

Mal grins and nods, "Reckon we should join them so's we can hear the good news."

River nods and then squeaks as Mal lifts her into his arms. He holds her against his chest and walks up the steps, continuing toward the kitchen area. He finally sets her down in the hallway, supports her as she takes the few steps to get to her place.

She settles herself and Mal sits in his place. The crew happily eats the protein based soup and talks amongst themselves. River stays mostly quiet, habits being held.

'_Riv?_'

River glances up from her spoon to Zoe. She blinks once and Zoe smirks.

'_Time to tell the truth?_'

River can make out the slightly hopeful note in Zoe's mental voice, can understand that she wants to tell everyone everything. The single blink comes with a small smile of assurance.

Zoe nods and looks at Wash, takes his hand. He grins and kisses her cheek gently before looking around.

"So! Now that we know Riv'll be staying," he pauses and looks at River, "wait, you're staying, yes?"

River grins and casts a small glance at Mal who remains seemingly aloof yet his eyes hint at the smile he holds in. "The witch is staying in her place."

Wash flashes a smile and nods enthusiastically, "Good! Good. So. Well, uh...baby, what was I sayin'?"

Zoe looks from River to Wash. "Plans husband."

"Ah, yes. Plans. So, me an' Zo have a tentative plan-well, it's pretty much set-to have another person on board. So there'll be an extra seat at the table."

Simon speaks up first as he and Kaylee and Jayne look blankly at Zoe and Wash. River has a smile plastered on her face and Mal is watching everyone intently.

"Is there a reason we need to be adding an extra chair? Do we have extra chairs anymore?"

Kaylee nods to him, "Yeah, we got the one...uh, well, none for the kitchen I guess. We'll have to buy another one."

Wash shakes his head. The crew looks at him curiously. "Well, yes, we'll be buying a chair of sorts. But...it's not gonna be a normal chair?"

Jayne frowns, speaks around a spoon of soup, "Why we always gotta get the weird stuff an' people? No offense."

Zoe smirks slightly. She looks toward Mal, "It won't be weird. Plenty of people use chairs like the one we'll need. Just a good ol' booster seat."

The silent exchange between Mal and Zoe shows her his lack of complete surprise and she looks at River in thanks.

"A baby?" Kaylee's voice is marveling as her head tilts and she looks at Zoe.

Simon's eyes widen, "No. No, uh, Zoe, you can't have a baby."

Five pairs of startled eyes turn to Simon as he looks at her stomach in worry. Mal speaks up finally, "What is with you an' givin' orders on my ship?"

Simon shakes his head and lifts a hand to his cheek, rests his head on his fist as a thoughtful frown creases his forehead. "We don't have anything for a baby. No regular stuff, no med supplies. We would need supplements and an ultrasound machine and a little set of everything to make sure the baby was healthy and...and..." he blinks and Kaylee is looking at him with a goofy, loving smile. He looks at Zoe's stomach and frowns, then looks at Zoe, "We don't have anything for a baby. And though Serenity is the safest place for us, it won't be for a baby. It could get lost or something."

River bows her head and tries to muffle her laughter, lifting the collar of the shirt to cover her mouth as her hand cups her mouth over it. Simon gives her a puzzled look, as if his words were not something to laugh off.

Wash chuckles and rests his arm over Zoe's chair. He shakes his head at Simon, "Well, ya see, the beauty in needing to resupply is that we can pick up what we need now and we can get the rest later."

Simon frowns, "You guys are going to have a baby."

Zoe nods, "That's what your sis says. Though the fact my stomach seems to be so full of a life proves it."

Simon nods once and seems to jar himself from his thoughts. "Zoe, as your doctor-if you even try to go out and fight while pregnant I will give you a mix of drugs to induce sleep that will not harm the baby. And you'd better take the supplements."

Kaylee giggles, "What he's saying is congratulations!"

Simon cracks a small smile, "Yes. Congratulations."

Zoe and Wash chuckle and Jayne shakes his head and leans back. "Congrats, didn't know Wash had it in 'im. Zoe bein' all..." he tilts his head and grimaces, "I ain't even gonna think of Zo being domestical an' such. Oh, an' I ain't gonna be the kinda uncle that does the diaper go se."

The startled laugh from Wash makes Zoe glance his way to check if he's choking. "Jayne, I'm not trusting you to so much as hold the kid until it can at least cry for help."

Jayne grins and shrugs, digging back into his soup.

River smiles wide and her light filled eyes look over Zoe and Wash, "You two will be good parents. Can I teach the flutter to dance?"

Zoe lays her hand on her stomach, "I reckon you'll be needin' to help me get the little bit to sleep a few nights with some of your lovely dancing."

Wash nods solemnly, "Babies cry a lot. You'll have to be like a dancing distraction and before we know it, the kid'll be up there following you."

Kaylee glances at Mal as his eyes look over River and only over River. She smiles and murmurs, "Maybehaps we can baby proof the cargo hold first so's Riv an' Zoe can keep the baby there while we do the rest of the ship."

River shrugs, her and Zoe sharing a look of understanding that the life in the warrior woman's stomach will be seen to safely in the great, vast and unsafe black.

Wash turns a wary gaze to Mal, clears his throat. "Well. What do ya think of the plan Captain?"

Mal looks at Zoe and Wash and River smiles serenely as he begins to grin.

"First-I can't believe you're jus' gonna get my first mate pregnant and not tell me so's I could keep her here away from the dangerous jobs. Second-no child is gonna be running on this ship, or crawling for that matter."

Wash sets his jaw to prepare for facing off with the captain as Zoe blinks in confusion-she wasn't expecting those words.

"We ain't lettin' the babe touch the floor unless Serenity is completely and entirely child-proof. An' if'n ya two think ya can jus' go about business until the babe comes, you're wrong. I want Zoe restricted to ship less'n ya go wit' 'er Wash. Dong le ma?"

Zoe smiles and Wash gapes at Mal. "Yes sir." Zoe whispers.

Mal happily eyes the parents to be, face brightening. "I guess ya'll can use that empty bunk for your little bundle. Only reason it stays empty is 'cause the bed's missin' but a crib would fill it nicely."

Zoe nods her thanks as Wash tilts his head. "Is...did...uh, Mal, did Simon drug you?"

Simon acts offended, "Hey!" he halfheartedly protests.

Mal takes a sip of his water and leans back in his seat, "Well a little birdie told me getting my dander in a fluff 'cause ya got Zo that child she wants won't do no good. So, I figure, maybe tryin' to be nice'll make ya'll agreeable to the conditions I got on ya havin' the babe here."

Wash scoffs, "Oh, conditions. Of course, what now Captain?"

Mal looks at Zoe, swallows kinda nervously but only the warrior woman and the witch see it. River bumps her knee to his, his hand moves from his leg to hers and she watches him speak.

"I want your word that ya'll will be stayin' on. Ain't another person in the 'Verse can fill either of your positions hear an' what with a baby to round out this feng le bunch I'm sure we can manage to keep flyin'. An' I want ya both to know that the babe can't have a pet 'till it's old enough to tend said pet. An' the last condition is that, since I'm the captain here, I'll be stealin' your kid any chance I feel like spoilin' the munckin. We agreed here?"

Zoe glances at Wash, takes in his soft smile. She reaches her free hand out and lays it to Mal's shoulder. "We're stayin' on. We ain't like to ever leave and give ya rest. Pet rule is heard and understood. Ya can steal the kid all ya want so long as it never comes back cryin'."

Mal nods, "Fair enough. I'm happy for ya Zo."

Wash sighs, glances around the table at his family. "We're all gonna have a little wriggling bundle of flesh to take care of."

Kaylee laughs, looks at Zoe, "I hope it's a girl. We'd be able to dress her up all pretty and she'd be able to learn how to dance an' fight an' fly."

Jayne grunts, "I hope it's a boy. We can show 'im to shoot and all that. We can even teach 'im how to fight usin' Simon as a target."

Simon rolls his eyes, "Jayne, if it's a boy I'm going to show him what drug mix can knock you on your ass just so he could use you as a target."

Mal shakes his head and looks to River in secrecy. She smirks and winks to him. Zoe narrows her eyes, "Wanna share somethin'?" she whispers.

Mal feigns innocence. Badly. River shakes her head, "Just reveling in knowing the first gift we will give to the baby."

The crew finishes supper and Simon begins taking up dishes. He speaks absently, "When will we resupply?"

Zoe starts, "Oh. About that." She looks at Mal. "We're on a border world, but on account of some of it bein' marked as bad we ain't been around no one since we set down. Like to say we could stay here for months and never see a livin' soul."

Mal narrows his eyes at her careful words. "Where are we?"

"Hera."

Mal blinks and looks toward the cargo bay, toward the air lock. "We in the Valley?"

His body is tense, River can feel the muscles tighten in his hand even. She crosses her right hand over her lap to settle on his hand.

"Serenity Valley. We was thinkin' to take Riv to a real hospital but we thought settlin' somewhere we could be alone and stable would be a good shot first."

Mal nods tightly and Kaylee looks at her captain in worry.

"Zo..."

River looks at the ceiling, tilts her head as her eyes close. Mal stops talking and looks at her. "The sky is leaking. Warm drops of happiness."

Mal stands, moves toward the cargo bay and the air lock. River smiles and the crew looks from her to Zoe. "Uh, do we go get him or is he jus' gonna go all quiet and leave like that?"

Zoe looks at Wash and then to River. River smiles toward the doorway, "He is coming back to the first demon he met and was defeated by. He is seeing the Valley as nothing more than a valley and is realizing Serenity only exists here."

The slow smile covering Zoe's face lets River know she understands, understands Mal is gazing at the land around them that everyone on Hera connects to the bloody battle but he is finally seeing only land, knowing that the battle that stays with him is gone and kept in remembrance in the metal of the ship, in the name that once meant the battle that he could not leave and now means the future he has but to take hold of.

Mal comes in as Simon settles back at the table, it cleared off and voices talking of plans to buy wire covers and baby gates and mesh coverings for the safety of the baby.

He tilts his head with a frown, "Are ya'll plannin' to talk this baby issue to death or can Simon put off the panic attack about bringing a new life into the 'Verse?"

Wash chuckles, "Actually Cap'n, we were just talkin' over the baby to pass the time. We were hoping to talk more on resupplying and how we're gonna handle jobs."

River beckons Mal over and he grins as he takes his seat, places a hand to her knee once more. He looks over the crew and clears his throat, "Well, Kaylee and Wash-your jobs are definite and ain't like to never change. Simon, no offense, but I ain't trustin' my life in your hands unless I get tortured and held captive again. Your skills with a needle are better than those with a gun and I think we both agree it can stay that way so long as ya fix up the crew."

Simon glances at River and nods once, small smile on his lips at the thought of his mei mei healing.

"As for Zoe, I'm firm in my sayin' she leaves the ship only with Wash at her side an' if'n we're on a job Wash is gonna be set ready to fly so Zoe is gonna be with him outta harm's way."

He speaks toward Zoe who has a stoic look on her face, knowing better than to argue as the five faces around her say she wouldn't win anyway.

"Jayne, you an' me can handle jobs from now till Riv heals. Once Doc clears her, we three can take on the jobs we need to pull. Until you're healed up, you set yourself up there with Zoe an' Wash and you'll be the one directin' this boat about to get jobs. Shiny?"

River scowls, "Captain, the girl can-"

"River."

She sighs and purses her lips, looks at the table and mutters, "Shiny. The girl will organize jobs and work on healing before she fights again."

Mal smiles and squeezes her knee lightly.

"Speaking of fighting...River, what exactly did Padre want?" Zoe's careful words hedge on suspicion and Mal studies River as her head ducks further and she looks reluctant to explain.

"Riv, what's the story? I was very disappointed that man was dead, I wanted to kill him so badly. Least now we get to know why it all happened so."

River sighs a slow breath and looks at the crew, mainly Zoe and Mal. Mainly Mal.

"Padre wanted to take me and Zoe. Wanted to make Mal lead the men back to Serenity, wanted to make Mal..." River swallows harshly as the images of what the man had imagined come back. She starts as Mal's hand gently rubs at her knee, the cotton of the skirt dragging between his skin and hers.

"He wanted to make you watch, Mal. Make you watch him kill us, kill Serenity. He was going to hurt Zoe the most to get at you if I didn't...if I didn't..."

Mal leans on the table, his face moving closer to hers and her eyes focus as she blinks and looks at him. She looks over to Zoe who is leaning on Wash, his body covering hers protectively.

"I was not going to let them do anything like that. I knew I had to work it just right so all interest was on me. Padre was easily enticed when I told him I was the woman that belonged to Mal, he wanted to hurt you."

Mal swallows and River looks at him out of the corner of her eye, slipping her hand down to cover his. "He did not take us on accident or by chance. Sought us out. I was too busy...I should have seen that Padre was not a trust worthy contact but more the type of man to be two faced. The type of man to be an enigma in times of trouble, to tell secrets to everyone who will listen and to hold grudges."

A small smile quirks her lips and River looks at Mal, "Daniel Packer led a life defined by violence and so he met a violent end. Mole for both sides, telling secrets that were not his to tell."

Zoe gapes, uncharacteristically staring and at a loss for words until finally she manages, "That was Packer?" The words come out a hiss.

Mal blinks dumbly and his eyes look over the woman he loves, seeing all her injuries and knowing without a doubt they wouldn't have happened if he never screwed up. He tries to push from the table but River holds to his hand and refuses to loose her grip.

"No," she whispers.

Mal clenches his jaw, "I shoulda killed the ruttin feng le hun dan when I had the gorram chance."

Zoe shakes her head in shock, "Couldn't kill him then sir."

Kaylee frowns, "Who was he?"

Mal swallows painful guilt. He works his jaw and looks at River as he explains. "Packer was an unfortunate excuse for a soldier who tried to play the Browncoats and the Purplebellies alike. Me an' Zo found out, I waited for the next transport to land and I threw him on it with a bullet in his worthless pi gu."

Simon's voice is carefully measured, "Pleasant. I think I'm a fair speaker for us all when I say it's done and ended. We shouldn't dwell on it, rather I'd say we should move on."

Mal glances at him, knows the words from him are important. The knowledge that River's injuries are his fault make his gut churn, the words from the big brother who would die to protect her making things not one lick better for him.

River gently releases his hand, swirls her finger tips on the back of his hand and looks at her lap as she whispers, "I told him I would spare him after I made him scream. Told him he had one chance with me after he hurt my family and all. When he came back to consciousness he charged and I...I told him he didn't get a second chance and I took aim and shot him. I gave him a chance, mercy. A gift he gave me when he let you all go. But he took his gift the wrong way, proved I shouldn't have let him try to change his life of violence. I carried his bullet. And I'm glad of what happened."

Mal turns surprised eyes to her as his mouth sets in a thin line. The crew feels like they've faded from the duo's world. "You're glad? Of what? The fact that he near killed you or the fact that you're so banged up you'll be lucky to be back to normal in a few months time? You didn't do nothin' to him and the only fight he had to make with this crew was with me."

River shakes her head and angles her body to face him, looking into his eyes now as her chin sets stubbornly. "If that job went smooth where would I be? The ship would be sailing and the girl would be walking along new metal, feeling new minds instead of here where she belongs. You do not get to choose her fights, do not get to harbor all the dirty work when she can do her share. Captain, you do not get to choose whether or not a fight is yours because if it involves one it will always involve us all."

Mal looks down sees her hand stilled on his, fingers splayed on the back of his hand. He turns his palm to hers, tangles their fingers. "You ain't gonna be goin' through like this. I ain't lettin' ya just...just take up protectin' and fighting all on your lonesome. You ain't here to fight my battles."

River scrunches up her nose as she pieces her words, Mal's touch lulling her mind. She feels his eyes look her over. She shrugs simply. "So let me stand beside you." His eyes look into hers and she smiles gently. "No protecting. Just being there to fight your battles with you. Not alone, not when I can stand by you and you can stand by me."

The crew watches and Mal and River surface from their exclusion slowly, still held together by their hands and still quietly looking at each other.

Jayne breaks the silence, "Well, I think mercy and chances weren't somethin' a man like he sounds to be deserved. Glad ya killed 'im Riv. An' I hope ya both get real comfortable with havin' us all involved in whatever whacky battles ya get into."

Mal glances away to Jayne with a small smirk as Wash snorts, breaking the tension, "Oh, yes, because truly they're the two who take the most looking after."

Jayne growls, "Ya wanna go dino man? I ain't got no problem toughenin' ya up a bit."

Zoe glares at Jayne and Wash cocks his head at Jayne. "Only place I wanna go to is bed. With my wife. Though I had no idea ya wanted a go at me Jayne, was Riv right all along with the whole Jayne's a girl theory?"

The reformed merc splutters nonsense angrily as he pushes to stand quickly. River giggles and begins singing to herself, "The hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne. He headed to the stars and picked up men at bars."

Jayne turns his narrowed gaze to her and points a shaking finger, "Listen crazy ruttin witch, only man I ever picked up at a bar was my pa on account he was too drunk to walk. So ya shut it."

Kaylee giggles, "Jayne, we's just kiddin' at ya!"

Mal shakes his head at his crew, holds to River's hand and lets his mind focus on the chaos before him and not the chaos of what was done and past.


	25. Chapter 25

**Thanks to Kit-cat99, Chibiboku, Annie and tealrose! Hope you guys like this installment and I'm looking forward to writing some fresh chapters tonight!**

* * *

River frowns as she stands, hair dripping wet and body leaned on the small sink as she gazes into a mirror.

"Mei mei, stop thinkin' on that."

Behind her Kaylee is settling a large bowl of fresh water and wash rags alongside it in the still drying shower stall. River turns from the image in the mirror with effort and Kaylee stands, helping her over.

"You're gonna feel fresh as a daisy once ya get done here."

"Feel better already. Thank you Kaylee."

The red head grins, having volunteered to help River when Simon insisted she needed it. River had rallied to beg for a shower and Simon had only allowed her to go for a sponge bath, the only part of her being semi-showered would be her hair.

Now, two rounds of shampoo and one round of River's favorite conditioner later she felt like the unpleasantness was leaving.

"Here," Kaylee holds out a small clip and River allows her to twist her hair up off the brown shirt. "There ya go. Come on, let's get ya over there to do some cleanin' up."

River shakes her head and Kaylee frowns in confusion, knowing the younger girl wants to spruce up.

"She can manage. Go spruce up, she understands you wish to. Simon is waiting."

Kaylee grins, falters. "Can ya really handle it? I won't leave if'n ya cain't."

River waves her hand, "A bowl of water will not drown a fish."

Kaylee kisses River's forehead and rushes off. River listens to the sound of her feet disappear and begins stripping off her clothes, carefully puts them in the sink with a towel and slides her tender body down the metal wall.

She slowly works the wet rag over her skin, carefully tucked under the nozzle of the sprayer and spilling out the water to refill it from her spot on the ground with leisurely movements.

When she finally tries to stand, the night cycle is back once more. She merely grits her teeth and forces her body to move, wrapping her towel along newly cleansed flesh and grabbing up the clothes she had soiled.

She walks toward the bunks, ready to muddle through entering her room and try to don new clothes.

"Hey," the surprised call makes her falter and her body protests the jostling as it cries out in exertion. Zoe moves to grab River's swaying body, places her against the wall. "I'll go down an' grab clothes. Can ya head to the helm to dress? No one's there now."

River grits her teeth, "She can manage."

Zo shakes her head, gently takes the dirty clothes and motions River to the helm. "Glad I needed somethin' to drink." River grins slightly and glances at Zoe's stomach, knows it is fluttering with more than life.

Zoe grabs skivvies and a bra for River, debates over a tank top and finally comes from the reader's bunk with a tank top and unders and a loose sleeveless dress that buttoned up the front.

River smiles her thanks and Zoe pauses before leaving. "Can I do anything else?" River shakes her head. "Well, do ya least want me to stay and help ya get to someplace to sleep?"

"Not ready to sleep, was sleeping too long."

Zoe nods, smiles. "Night little bit. See ya in the morning."

"Goodnight Zo. Sleep well."

River discards her towel and dresses with slight pain. She leaves the majority of the buttons loose, knowing she is covered from knee to belly button and thankful for the tank top. Her wrist throbs but she wants the cast off.

River stands with the towel, takes it to drop it down the hatch to her bunk and shuts it. She turns and sees Mal coming from his bunk, freshly shaven. From the wet locks of hair she can tell he had showered after she had left the stalls and she smiles as he looks back to normal. She feels a pang of wanting to be back to normal as well, no longer bearing the marks that branded her for all to see.

"Oh, hey darlin'," Mal smiles and River's smile is back to the brightness it was before, the marks matter not when he looks at her like all he sees is all he needs and wants. "I was hopin' ya'd still be about."

"Still about Captain." He chuckles and walks to meet her, sees the tremble of her muscles and the draw of pain at the edges of her lips. He slips a casual arm around her waist, ready to pretend he's not helping so much as taking a casual stroll with her.

River wants to protest when most the weight she is supporting from her own body seems to disappear but the feel of Mal holding her and the relief in her body is too much and her eyes close in delight though she knows they wish to stay open.

"Ready to get down to sleep 'tross?"

River shakes her head, "Too much sleep. You should sleep, much more deprivation and your mind will run away."

Mal rolls his eyes and eases her body along beside him, aiming toward the galley. When River falters her easy steps he looks at her, sees her eyes on something. He tracks it to the shiny mirror hanging over the couch, bordered by small vines and flowers that Kaylee had carefully painted. Her eyes move to take in her whole appearance and she frowns.

"Riv," he murmurs.

"You made me forget, forget about the marks. I let them get in too many hits."

Mal scowls as he turns her from looking at her reflection. He skims his hand to touch over her bruised face and he runs a finger over the healing split in her lip, lets himself point out all the marks on her.

She stands still under his scrutiny, lets him show her that he sees and it still doesn't matter.

"You're a great woman bao bei," his voice is slightly gruff, "but great or no, ain't no way ya can always take the fights the way you want."

River smirks, "That's why I'll choose my battle a bit more carefully next time."

He nods absently, mind whirring as he considers if maybe the next fight will have him at her side or have her at his. "Doesn't matter." Her voice interrupts as she hears him surprisingly clearly, knows his every barrier is down for her. "We'll be there either way."

The two move toward the couch and Mal holds her close.

"You lied."

River blinks at his sudden whisper into the dark of the galley. She tilts her head to gaze at him in question.

"That wasn't the only way, you bein' the target. You coulda let him have me, torture me. Ain't likely he'd of insisted on more."

She knows he's been thinking too much on the disaster mission since the revelation that Packer was Padre, knew he was angry with himself as he thinks all her injuries can be traced to him.

"No," she whispers, "Not your fault. If I had given you to him, it would be my fault. I wouldn't be able to live with knowing he would have hurt and killed you because of my negotiations. Reasons of preservation kicked in, fueled me. I preserved my family the way I needed. None of this was your fault."

Mal turns guilty, pained eyes on her, "You preserved? What about self preservation? You coulda just as easily kept the family safe an' yourself. You-"

River closes her eyes, swallows and shakes her head as she works her jaw. "No."

Silence stretches.

"Gorramit woman you don't get it!"

River sighs and opens her eyes, fixing him in her gentle stare. "I get it. Guilt. Making you desperate for a redo. There are no redo buttons. We live with our choices. My choice to protect. Your choice to shelter. We played our parts this time and all is well now."

Mal hears the determination in her voice that says she is adamant in her points. He draws her closer, places a kiss to her temple. "Do me the favor of a promise."

"Only make promises I can keep." Her voice is teasing now, to lighten the mood, but he hears the warning that says not to ask something of her she won't be able to give him.

"Try." River smiles and waits and hopes his words don't make her pain with want to appease him when she won't be able to. The thought goes away as fast as it struck, she knows he wouldn't pain her in the least. His voice breaks her waiting, "Promise me that now we're past that, you won't ever make me leave you in danger again."

River shakes her head and a look of fear passes on her features, her chest aching in thinking she might anchor Mal to stay for the scene of his death.

"Promise me." His voice is quiet and strong.

"She refuses to be the albatross of bad omen, weighing you down to sink into a grave."

Mal growls low, shakes his head as his guilt still ebbs low in his gut. "River, I need to hear you say you won't make me leave you."

River swallows harshly and makes a silent promise, one that says she'll never let them fall into a position of needing to be parted for protection again. "I promise."

The two sit on the couch, cuddled together. They fall between sleep and being awake, talking occasionally but otherwise engaging only in comfortable silence.


	26. Chapter 26

**Thanks to Kit-cat99 and Annie, your reviews make me smile!**

* * *

The months pass slowly, River's healing seeming to drag by. They pull jobs and live normally, Zoe and Wash and River staking out the helm as Kaylee waits in the engine room and Simon hovers near the air lock, ready to lock up and tend wounds with his red medical bag near at hand.

Jayne and Mal hardly need the tending, mostly gliding through jobs. On occasion, even River's warnings can't protect them from a tussle though.

This time around, Wash settles the ship as Zoe stands with a slightly showing baby bump under her vest beside him. River drums her fingers, anxious for the time of her feet hitting dirt.

"Mal's not gonna let you leave here, even if we are just trying to hook a job."

She rolls her eyes at Zoe's words and begins to reply when the sounds of booted feet approaching comes near. "Alright, who the gorram hell put them things on my guns?"

Wash turns to face a very upset Jayne as he holds Vera and tries in vain to pop some contraption off her trigger.

"We picked those up last resupply stop. To make sure that when the baby goes about it can't shoot off your guns."

Jayne glares at River. "Kid ain't even here yet!" he whines. "An' even if he," Wash rolls his eyes, "was then it ain't like the babe's gonna be in my bunk touching my guns!"

Zoe shakes her head with a small smirk, "But rightly you have the most guns. We all keep our weapons locked away on our person or in locked drawers in our bunks. Yours are displayed. The ones in the arsenal got the safety guards as well."

Jayne grumbles as his hand still works at the contraption.

Wash grins, "I decided to go to your bunk, you leave it open a lot which is pretty dangerous, and put on the guards. Figured you'd have time to fiddle with them and get used to them."

Jayne's jaw drops, "You went to my gorram bunk?"

Wash nods and stands, slinging an arm around Zoe. "Yup. Couldn't have my wife getting in their, unhealthy fumes and such. And River said she would but I kinda guessed Mal'd dislike hearing she went alone to your bunk."

River sticks her tongue out at Wash who grins wide.

"I can't even get this stupid ruttin gorram feng le thing off my Vera!" Jayne roars, fiddling and almost dropping his favorite gun to the ground.

"Hey!" a voice barks and boots can be heard, "What the hell's all this fussin' about?"

Mal comes in with Kaylee and Simon at his back, Kaylee tilting her head and staring at Jayne as Simon moves to River and hands her the temp cast she should be wearing.

All in all, her body was healed. Scars lightly marred some of her skin, her ankle and ribs had healed nicely. Simon was certain all that was left to get right as rain was her wrist, still mending and knitting itself to be strong, and her fading bruises.

"I don't want to." River mumbles to him.

At the same time Kaylee ventures, "Is that a baby lock he's messing with?"

Mal blinks and tries to figure out when his family took the turn for weird.

River smirks toward him and he holds her gaze for a moment, letting her read in his eyes rather than on his face or in his thoughts his adoration for her.

Zoe sees the look though they try to be discreet, having taken to dancing around each other when in the presence of the crew. The others couldn't decide if it was because they were trying to act as if they weren't so hopelessly in love or if it was to try and hold to one scrap of normalcy from before the job that seemed to change everything and cement the crew as family.

River stands and leaves the temp cast in the copilot chair. She moves to Jayne, pushes his bumbling hands away so he supports Vera and she disengages the contraption, holding it up for him to see in detail.

Jayne snatches it and glares at Zoe and Wash. He whirls to Mal, nearly braining River and Kaylee, who had crept forward to see the metal guard up close, but the two friends pulled each other down, ending up toppling to the metal grating in a tangle of helpful limbs.

Jayne barely acknowledges them, looking to Mal who smirks at the ground by his feet. Simon moves to help River and Kaylee up, snapping the temp cast to River's left wrist and explaining quietly to her once more why it needs to stay on. Mal feels a swell of anger as the cast reminds him that them smudges ain't grease or dirt on his girl, they're bruises from a fight weren't hers. River snorts and Simon flails wordlessly as Mal sees her eyes roll and he lets go of the angry thoughts and listens to his irate merc.

"They cain't be messin' with my girls! Tell them to take back their ben dan guards!"

Mal's lips twitch and he looks around Jayne at the pilot and first mate. "You two torturin' Jayne again?"

Wash feigns a too innocent look, "Us? Cap, we would never torture at Jayne. Just, ya know, poke him a bit. Maybe get Riv to put soup in his hair. Or have Simon and Kaylee paint pretty pictures on his bunk door. Never torture though."

Jayne's pitiful groan makes Zoe crack up and the man damn near pouts as his head falls and his fist tightens around the metal guard, the other hand holding Vera over his shoulder carefully.

"Wash'll be showing ya how to take off the guards. I want you to be able to get one off in ten seconds. You're my weapon's man, you see to it you know how to handle all the pieces comes with your girls. Dong ma?"

Jayne brightened at the new challenged presented to him that related to his girls. In his mind, he was already thinking of all the guards as new add-ons for the guns and he figured he had an advantage since not many would check to see if the gun was covered by a trigger guard. "I'll learn how to do one in five seconds."

Mal grins broadly at the muttering and nods once, knowing the flow Jayne's head must be spinning toward as the man turns to Wash. "After dinner?"

Wash nods silently, surprised, as Zoe buries her face in his shirt and laughs at the change of events. Jayne walks out happily and Kaylee giggles to hear his mumbles about his new plan and his mix of humming with it.

"Alright. So, we're settled. I want ya'll to stay put. I'll go troll for some contacts, be back in an hour. Ain't got a job by then, I'll fetch Jayne and we'll be gone till we get work."

River mumbles as he talks and once he's done, eyes fixed on his girl, she becomes louder. She rants in Mandarin, eyes blazing.

The others sit back and watch, knowing the two were dancing around each other again. It didn't make a lick of sense, after River'd been let out of the infirmary the two tried to act like they weren't sharing a bed every night come sleep time. It was interesting to see their interactions.

Mal watches River's face as she goes on, memorizing the glow her upset gives her. He'd held her every night since he had the heart wrenching trial of trying not to lose her. He wouldn't allow himself to kiss her, wouldn't allow himself to ruin what they were just finding out they had. River, on the other hand, was trying to keep her curious hands under control when the lights went out-wanting and needing her memories with her other half to be free and pure, without the hindrance of the wounds given by another.

Despite the crew knowing the relationship existed-not the extent, though quiet a few minds assumed it was rather dirty while others, namely Simon, imagined there was nothing to those stares he sometimes caught the captain and his mei mei trapping each other in-the two people in question didn't say a word of how bonded and tied together they were. They'd woken together on the couch and immediately parted to set upon tasks that needed done. When the others were about, they were the picture of platonic interactions. The stares tripped them up though.

Mal's musings stop as River's tirade ends and he clears his throat. "Well. Anyone else want to talk me deaf or...?"

River's chin sets stubbornly and Simon steps back from her, Kaylee feeling his insistent tugging and answering with a small step his way.

Mal smirks ever so slightly and Zoe bites the inside of her cheek as she tries not to break the spell of their glare with the laughter wanting to bubble out of her. River and Mal are both having a silent conversation, both refusing to be the one to look away and go silent first.

As River tilts her head Wash recognizes the challenge she's issued and then Mal's small smirk turns to a grin.

"New plan," his voice is full of mirth, the four mesmerized audience members know the gauntlet was accepted. "Me an' Riv'll go out to find a contact. We'll be back when one of us finds a job."

Zoe glances at River and then back to Mal, then to her husband as she whispers, "This is gonna be interesting."

Simon clears his throat and River finally looks from Mal. "She'll wear her cast." He nods and then waits for the two to talk on the terms of their competition for work.

River smirks to Mal, "Don't leave without me."

"I'm not needin' to cheat."

"All the same."

Mal chuckles and nods, "Well alright, get your pi gu moving-we got a job to get."

River moves out of the helm and Mal follows without so much as a glance to the others. Zoe laughs and shakes her head as Wash rubs a hand to her back absently.

"Reckon they're gonna wager chores?"

Kaylee snorts, "If I was them, chores wouldn't be high on my list of goodies to wager."

Simon shudders, "And I just lost interest in this game of theirs."

Wash sighs, "Poor, protective brother boob. When are you gonna realize your mei mei is not so little?"

Zoe nods once, looks at Simon with a smile. "He's right, she's not. An' she don't go around talking on how she has to put up with your relationship. An' she's a reader."

Kaylee giggles, "Well, she don't complain less we start in around food or some such."

Simon groans and drops his head, "River and Mal are just courting. There's no...no, nuh-uh."

The three laugh as the doctor scowls.


	27. Chapter 27

**This one's clumsy in the writing, there was a smut scene but I wasn't sure whether I wanted to put it in as I've yet to even have their first kiss develop. Probably the last post of the week as I contemplate what to do with the twenty one pages of raw material still to be edited before this story ends. **

**Thanks to Kit-cat99 for the review!  
**

* * *

River glides beside Mal, her hand encased in a cast on the left and Mal's hand on the right.

The two move together along the dusty streets of Nero and Mal's glad he got River to wear her boots what with the broken glass he sees along the street in front of their destination, a bar that looked just right for their run of work.

Mal pulls her to a stop and she smirks up at him. "So, what's this wager gonna get me when I find our job bao bei?"

River giggles and rolls her eyes as she purses her lip and tilts her head. "Hm...when I get our job, you can pay me with a night of dancing."

"I don't dance in public darlin'."

"I know."

Mal feels the right side of his mouth tip up and he nods once, "Alright. Reckon that's a deal." River waits quietly, knowing he's yet to name his price. "I get our job, you gotta sit out the next five meets."

River's jaw drops, she studies Mal. "That's not fair! I'm almost healed, I can start back to actually working now if needed!"

Mal chuckles, "Deal's a deal 'tross. Ya get dancin' if ya win, I get to know you ain't gonna be getting into a spot of trouble."

River rolls her eyes and mutters something about overprotective chivalrous captains and Mal brings her hand to his lips and kisses it. "Fine," she smiles, "you're going to lose anyway."

The two move into the bar and Mal leads her over to a corner table, looking over the men and women in the bar to sight a target to help him win this little challenge.

River glances over the people and then hails the barkeep, orders two whiskeys and sits back as she fiddles with her cast.

"Ain't doin' much work bao bei."

"No one here I care to work with."

"No cheatin' now, I ain't got no remarkableness to read for a target."

River snorts lightly at his teasing and locks eyes with him, "More than capable of getting work just by my looks captain." Mal's eyes narrow slightly as jealously flares and River leans closer and whispers, "You look like soldier, respectable man. I look like someone who protects what needs protected."

Mal growls lightly and nudges his leg to hers, leaves his knee against hers and the two sit sharing drinks and light touches.

River watches a nervous man glance around like clockwork every two minutes. She smirks to Mal, having watched him stand and strike out twice. Once, when the target decided Mal wasn't his man and the other when the contact wasn't willing to up the price from a measly profit that was rather insulting.

Rive stands and moves to the music player, runs a finger over the screen to select a song and lets the music play as she turns and sees the nervous man looking her over. She smiles darkly to him and he glances around, pauses on Mal who is glaring at him and then tilts his head to River.

The thrill of getting a job without their regular contacts shoots through River and she uses her reader abilities, not to cheat because she knows this man wants to secure transport now, but to rifle through his mind to be sure he's as harmless as he looks.

"Miss," the man nods to her as she leans on the bar. She withdraws from his mind.

"Gonna be straight with ya," she adopts an accent as thick as his own and it soothes his jitters. "we work for profit so's iff'n yer wishin' ta hog coin we'll be on our merry. My crew don't starve for work an' we don't settle for what we ain't wantin', savvy?"

The man smirks, flicks his eyes to Mal and River glances his way, "Aye, he's mine. He's the captain, our ship's Serenity."

The man nods and tosses a wave to Mal who tips his glass and keeps a wary eye on River and the man.

"Well here's it then miss," the man reaches into his jacket and River accepts the crinkled paper. "Ya get twenty percent of what ya wrangle outta Jessamina for my goods. Ya can say you'll get the goods to her without problems?"

River grins and shrugs as if indifferent, "Can't say much but iff'n the job's really ours I can assure ya we don' take lightly to earnin' a bad reputation. And we don' let a one cross us."

The man shifts at the warning and River giggles, pats his shoulder with her right hand and turns to nod Mal over. He's already heading their way and River clears her throat, "Well then mistah, this here's Cap'n Reynolds."

"See ya've met my 'tross River."

The nervous man looks between Mal and River and seems to like what he sees. He nods and shakes Mal's hand. "Aye. Now, she's got the info in 'er hand so I'd say our business is done. Ya go by my estate an' tell my wife yous all'll be takin' the green crates."

Mal nods and wraps an arm around River's waist.

"Iff'n ya care to know, my name's Charger. I 'spect ya to be back my way in the week."

River and Mal merely toss waves to acknowledge him, River grinning like the cat who got the bird as Mal scowls.

"I don't dance."

River laughs at his muttered words and she leans into his side as they go back to Serenity and prepare to finish the exchange and head off of Nero.

* * *

Four days after the exchange River's bouncing on the balls of her feet as coin weighs down Mal's pocket. He scowls at her and Zoe laughs beside Wash.

"Well come on, we gotta get this over with!"

River takes Mal's hand and the whole crew walks off Serenity to Charger's estate to finish the job over the dinner his wife had insisted they come to.

The dinner goes well and Mal keeps glancing at River, wondering if he can have Wash take them off Nero before she gets a notion to have him visit the nearest place she hears music. River glances at him and sticks her tongue out, an action that makes Misses Charger laugh.

When the plates are being cleared Charger and Mal finish their business and Kaylee chatters with the madame of the house, even telling her of River and Mal's bet.

"Oh, well, iff'n that's the case there's a little dance hall down the way. Don't think there's a real party happenin' tonight but if she wants to collect they always got someone in there."

River smirks at the news and thanks Misses Charger as the crew laughs to themselves at Mal being made to dance.

As they leave, Wash mentions the dance hall. "Ya know, I couldn't help notice it when Misses Charger mentioned the dance hall. And I'm almost sure Serenity's gonna need to be refueled anyway. We could take the hour that'll take to go for a little dancin', hm lamby toes?"

Zoe grins at Mal who shifts with a scowl and River giggles. "Serenity needs fuel. Captain, will you accompany your witch to tend Serenity?"

Mal beams, "Yes'm, I reckon I can."

River nods once with a smile, "Shiny. You guys go ahead and dance and have a good time while we tend our girl."

Mal snorts, "Hey now, I'm captain here missy. Ya'll take the night, Riv'll come join ya when we've got Serenity squared away. Dong ma?"

Kaylee frowns, "Ya ain't gonna come out with us Cap?"

"No li'l Kaylee, I'll keep Serenity company."

River smirks to the crew as Mal and her walk toward Serenity. Eventually, they head to the dance hall and words pass in regards to their friends' oddness.

* * *

Mal laughs as River pouts at him and he stays leaned back, hands folded over his chest as he contemplates the woman standing over him.

"Please?"

Silence.

"Please?"

"River."

"Please?"

"You're kinda stubborn bao bei."

River smirks, "Thank you. Please?"

He sighs and stands, swallows kinda nervously and puts his arms around her. He watches his feet and tries to remember how to dance.

River sighs happily and giggles as Mal is so tense, she leans her head back and looks up at him, "Just dance with me silly, no need to be perfect."

"Don't wanna crush your toes 'tross."

"Then take your boots off."

He scowls but does so, mumbling his doubts about clumsy feet as River hums and sways. Mal wraps her back in his arms and she sighs again, letting her head fall to his chest.

"Thank you."

Mal smiles and places a kiss to the top of her head, talking into her hair, "Ya did win the bet, 's only fair I try to pay ya off best I can."

River smirks up at him and shifts closer, "Never said I expected to be paid in public."

Mal blinks and opens and closes his mouth, processing the truth of it.

"Huh," he mutters.

River giggles as she closes her eyes and they sway slowly to each other's heart beat, a curious rhythm that seems to create the perfect song for their dance.


End file.
